Do we still need Pride?

Pride is a protest. This is a phrase that everyone in the LGBT+ community knows and says proudly.

We say it recognition of the battles it took to win our freedom in some countries, and in recognition of the fight still to be had in others.

I live in a country that is fairly progressive for LGB rights, so as such I've heard the question "why do you still need Prides?" plenty of times. I'm sure lots of you have too or maybe you're someone who's thought it.

Now, I didn't miss out the T by accident back there. I'm not going to be talking about how the trans community is the most obvious example of why prides are still needed because, lets face it, most of the people who question the need for Pride aren't going to be convinced by an argument that starts with "well trans people..." And I largely won't be taking them into consideration here, not because they don't need to be considered but because they need an article all their own.

But for those who genuinely don't know and for anyone else that's interested, I'm going to tell you why we still need them, especially in countries with LGBT+ rights.

I'll start with a anecdote. Don't worry it's short.

I was thrown out for being gay six years ago. Not because my mother is religious or old and somehow missed the gay rights movements in the 70s and 80s. No it just wasn't what she expected or wanted.

And that's the crux of it. Now my mother's response was the extreme of this scenario, my being gay was the straw that broke the camels back situation for my mother, but I'm not here to talk about the complicated history of my relationship with my her. Only the expectation and wants that are far too common, not just in parents but in a huge part of our society.

We've all heard it, we all say it. Heteronormativity is the norm. Being straight is expected, being straight is the most talked about, being straight is the most privileged, being straight is always the default. The same with cis normativity. These things have been said so often however that I think it has numbed most people to the reality of why we still have prides.

The people most affected by those expectations and wants are children, as adults we can look at the world and get a realistic expectation of how our sexuality will be perceived (gay or straight) but no one expects their child to be gay and no one wants them to be gay. That's not say you should want a child to be gay or straight but straight is the expected if not wanted, whereas gay is neither expected nor wanted. So to someone who has never experienced the weight of being expected to be straight, it seems like there's not much need for Prides in places like the UK. With how far we've progressed there are plenty of people gay and straight who never felt that weight. It warms my heart to know that there are so many queer people who never had to deal with the confusion, anxiety and shame that comes with questioning and so many allies who now think such things unfathomable. As adults we celebrate this together at Pride.

But I argue that Prides here in the UK aren't for adults. Prides are for children and teenagers, their worlds are so small. They rarely see anything outside of their family bubbles; they are the ones that struggle with heteronormativity, they are the ones at risk of homophobic attacks so constant they begin to believe themselves wrong or sick. This isn't even mentioning those who are from religious backgrounds who can bear that weight into adulthood. Children suffer so much because adults shrug off LGBT+ rights as a battle won. A thing of the past now that we have freedom, something to be supported when discovered but not encouraged.

I, and many of my friends struggled with our sexualities purely because the adults in our lives shrugged off the need to support gay rights or in in some cases were against us purely because of heteronormativity. And the overwhelming lack of inclusivity for queer children in children's TV, literature, movies (for all Disney's talk, we've still yet to see any true representation for LGBT+ folks in kids movies) and education only cements both parents and children's ideals of what they should grow up to be. These are the attitudes that lead to the high rates of self harm and suicide amongst ourselves and they are the beginnings of homophobia in general.

Pride gave me a place to go, after all of that. A place for me to see that so many people lived happily with their sexuality, to see that being straight isn't normal, to see that there would always be a community for those of us who struggled, to see that freedom can be achieved.

We still need Pride, especially in countries with gay rights, because anything less would allow the few of us stuck with homophobic families to suffer alone for years, perhaps whole lifetimes. And we shouldn't risk leaving even a single child behind.