Tales of the Pandemic Vol 1

If you thought this was going to be about the 5 places to visit while you're in 'Barthelona' then you're sadly mistaken. Also do you not read titles? How would I make it to 'Barthelona' during a crazy time like this!?

Unfortunately, I'm in the States, specifically the ones that are supposed to be United. I'm in the south. The dirty, hot, stinky, racist south, Also known as Texas. Specifically in a very popular city that has birthed great artist like Chingo Bling, and Pimp C....oh yea and Beyoncé. Before the shut down, my part of town was always bustling with the movers and shakers, also known as the drug dealers and hookers, There were mixers, parties, kick backs, and cook outs going on every weekend and every get together featured an eclectic mix of people. Didn't matter the ethnicity, gender, or socio economic status, if cocaine, alcohol and weed was there, so were the people.

Or at least in my world that's how it goes. Funny thing is if you met me you wouldn't think or assume that I'm apart of that world. I don't think I'm apart of that world either, I'm just here by default. You see instead of taking the traditional let me see a therapist to work out my issues route, I decided to take things in my own hands, which meant making extremely bad choices, burning bridges (that were made of sand anyways) and coming across some unsavory people and being in unpredictable situations.

And though I've been able to fight through the depression, anxiety and ptsd (after finally getting a little bit of help) I still hang around these unsavory characters because its where I'm comfortable. I'm almost close to realizing that I hang around these people because I secretly feel like I'm better than them and I don't want to go to the world that doesn't have these things, because how they hell am I going compete with someone with a degree, good paying job, and a home...but I'll stay in denial a little longer, It is where I am comfortable, It is where I am safe, and If I'm ever feeling down I can just walk to my street corner, look at a crack head, and say well, at least I'm not there...and hopefully I never will be.

One of these unsavory people happens to be my dealer. Or my former dealer...A dealer of weed by the way, I don't do anything else....besides acid occasionally, shrooms every once in a while, and maybe some rice krispies treats. That's not a code word for anything... I'll buy a big box of 40 individually wrapped rice krispies treats and go to town.... There like crack to me... I even thought about stealing my mothers tv to get more, but I digress.

My dealer had always been a pretty simple friendly guy, and the best part was that he delivered. I never had to worry about getting caught, although the laws on that have been lax pretty recently. I had been going to him for about a year, following the same routine, I would hit him up on snapchat, say what I wanted and he would drop it off with no issue, cash app him and then I was on my way to enjoy some good reggae and a good krispie. Naturally within this year we began to get more comfortable with each other, it started by him letting me hit his joint a few times whenever he would stop by, or asking small things about our lives like "you still working" or "oh I saw on your stories, that you went on a boat trip, nice" very light hearted bullshit type conversation.

This one particular night, about a month into the shutdown, we got on the subject of drugs and I mentioned that I take acid from time to time and I know a guy. He was immediately intrigued. He wanted to try it, and he wanted to try it with me and I agreed. I set a date, got the proper accoutrements, and it was on. I had just moved into my new place actually and wanted to be a gracious host so I even bought a couch ahead of time so he could be comfortable when we tripped out. I would not have bought a couch that soon otherwise I would say. As I guy I could've done with the air mattress and pillow I came with for several months before I realized that having furniture in my place was an actual thing. Like that's what normal people do. I guess I'm not normal....and I blame the krispies before any other substance.

So, the day came and went. He was too busy that day, and suggested we do it 2 days later, on a Saturday. I agreed. At night. I agreed to that too. Stupidly I might add. At this stage of the game I would say I'm an intermediate user when it comes to psychedelics and I should have realized that the day time, where there was light that would enhance the experience would have been better for a beginner like him, but it just didn't click...again, those damn krispies. Oh and he wanted to do it as his place...which I also agreed too. At this point, I was just begging to get shot.

It started out pretty normal, my anxiety was at a cool 3, and I was excited to trip out. After I first "dropped acid" about 6 years ago, it took away most of my anxiety and I tell people I have never been as anxious since then. I used to be trapped in my room in my thoughts, I was like that for a year, but after acid it helped get back out into the world. Or the underbelly of it at least. We get to his place and we start smoking a blunt. Just shooting the shit and talking. Everything is pretty cool but I make sure to keep my movements to a minimum and I also make sure that he can see me at all times. I don't need to be accused of taking anything. We're in his place. Yes, I wanted to enjoy the trip, but I also really didn't want to get shot. I mean sure I could have made a successful rap career out of it, but that's only if I survived...

I had four acid strips with me. We both take one, I explain to him that it should take about 30 minutes to hit, maybe longer if you've eaten and then you'll start to see colors, patterns, shapes, you'll feel euphoric and relaxed. I'm just selling it to him like it was 2010, he had ham hocks for arms and my new product, the shake weight is just what he needs.... about an hour passes and no effect, probably because we were still smoking at this time and he wants to take another one. I warn him too much at one time, especially if you're new to this is a bad idea. It can be very overwhelming. I'm used to taking 2 and sometimes its enjoyable and sometimes its not but I have never fully lost myself on anything. I've always been present. I just won't allow myself not be in control of my body no matter how messed up I get. If anything my mind will still be there.

He proceeds to take another one, and so do I and the games begin... soon after we start to see colors and he's happy and tripping out and so am I , he asks me for relationship advice and I told him to go with his heart. And he thanks me... yep, that's me you're regular old drug giving therapist. Actually that's not far off from reality is it? We start smoking cigarettes', so we're changing scenes, inside, to outside, to inside, to outside so on and so forth and it's starts to get more intense for the both of us. We're both sweating like crazy, he has a nervous laughter and he tries to talk like normal but there's a nervous twitch that goes along with it. I take note of it but just chalk it up to the acid and reassure him that this is normal and that nothing is really there, it may seem like it but its not. What prompted me to say that was not only his twitch, but around the 3rd time of us going outside, at night by the way, The trees looked like monsters that were coming down to swallow me up. I just kept looking at them did a dumb little beavis and butthead chuckle and thought it was cool.

I didn't realize at this time that if I was hallucinating, then so was he, and he wasn't used to it so he couldn't just tell himself it wasn't real, to him it was. After a few more times of going in and out we just lay on separate couches, and that's when it really intensifies. It goes from colors and shapes to darkness to color and shapes to darkness, if I looked him in the face it went from smiling to pure evil to smiling again. I'm pretty cool with all of it, I just remind myself to think positive thoughts and ride the wave. I tell him that too, but he's getting more fidgety as time goes on. He gets up to get more weed, and I follow him. Again, I'm not trying to be accused of anything, especially when we're both tripping out and he has guns (Hindsight is 2021 people, I refuse to mention the number before it m'kay) I sit down on a computer chair by the door and he sits on a chair closer to his bed, and I compliment him on his room and his paintings... after he grabs the weed we both head back into the living room and I sit down... he goes outside comes back in then goes outside again, comes back in and then says to me "Wow, I can't believe you just did that to me bro" And it all goes down hill from there...

TO BE CONTINUED