You Would Have Been Out of My Life

inadequacy runs through the cogs of the wheel that spin in my brain

around and around and around

as i fall harder and faster with nowhere to land

i can't move, can't scream, and with no one offering a hand

i fight the tears that seem to betray me as they fall freely anyway

people look at me as if i do not have the right

anymore i guess i don't

i have long had these fears, long ago was told my answer

but like a child i refused to believe

i had a hope, had a trust that everything would be fine

and then the world has to tell me how small i really am

i tremble and i shake

still no one is there to help me and my throat clogs up

still no scream escapes

and as i slide to my knees i pray to a God that has not answered me before

'what could it hurt anymore'

and within my next breathe i hear a chime in the haze

i look down with all the strength i have left

read the words

then suddenly everything is just a blur

i see spots in my vision

an inhumane scream rips through the air

it shocks me and as i look around

wondering what possibly could have made that sound

then i found

there

just there

lying on the floor with broken pieces every where

my phone with those words

and then i see stars i slam my head back into the wall

that i might lose the ability to think

that does indeed happen but by the worst of luck

my mind was not on my side

as i got for my troubles a headache

i felt dizzy from the hit

troubled by the words

and absolutely at my limit with all that this world could do

i just watch through eyes that show nothing anymore

i lost my zeal for life

i pledge now to be a zombie

and just cause myself the biggest strife

is this some cruel joke or test

i did not ask for this

i did not choose this life

and if i were to make this whole thing happen again

the first time you would have been out of my life