You never loved me

"You are so special to me"

"You mean so much to me!"

"I miss you so much"

"It's not the same without you"

"Come back soon!"

Lies.

All of it.

If I am so special to you...

Why did you find a replacement for me?

Why did you say that no one could ever replace me when you introduced me to my replacement?

If I mean so much to you...

Why did you pick a fight every time I bared my soul to you?

Why did you blame me every time you did something hurtful?

If you missed me...

Why did you push me away when I told you I was hurting?

Why did you think it was okay to buddy up to those who bullied me?

If you wanted me to come back...

Why did you cut me out as if that would make us "even"?

Why did you hold my one mistake against me to the point of destroying my heart?

You know what I did?

I apologized...

For being so busy that you found a replacement

For every fight we had, even when you started them all

For treating the bully as well as you treated me

For how you cut me out

For that one mistake...

That one mistake...

The mistake of me choosing to mute you so I could preserve what was left of my shattered self-esteem, self-worth, self-love.

I am sick of this.

Of being blamed

For everything

I am so sorry that I had to let you go to save myself.