You look so good now and it’s killing me

you look so good now and it's killing me

slowly, but surely, it is killing me

this longing grows and grows and it mocks me everyday.

you've lost some weight

and grown some hair on your face,

what's that all about?

and your demeanor is different, and your

haircut looks great, and your

walk has even changed, and you're...

s m o k i n g a g a i n ?

i shouldn't like it, but i do

i should move on. but i can't.

i loathe all of your new clothes though,

the over sized shirts, the kicks,

the baggy pants

the earrings and gaudy hats,

your eyes are way too kind for that.

you know, you were probably the very first guy to kiss me and really, only kiss me.

your hands didn't explore,

your tongue stayed in its place

you didn't ask for more,

you didn't even grab my face, your lips were soft. and warm. and

slightly unsure and warm...and soft and sweet and...

you took your time getting to first, you didn't rush to second base.

of course, at the time i wanted you to

but i was glad you didn't.

instead we talked and talked night after night

words leaping over my under bite, sharing

secrets until the skeletons in our closets

were holding hands, fingers laced

knuckle, next to bony knuckle.

femur next to femur.

i guess what i'm trying to say is i miss you and i'm sorry i dissed you that night we were out with friends and you put your hand on my thigh, and i

at the time didn't know how i felt, and i

at the time didn't know what i exactly what i wanted, and i

moved your hand away

and it was never the same after that...