Why

They say “don’t ask God why,”

but I want to know.

You can take it. You are LORD—

I check myself because you’re Holy, though.

No disrespect, my King, but why

Did You choose someone like I?

If there’s one thing I have learned,

it’s how my heart is twisted, turned—

The depths of all my vanity,

my doubt, my insecurity.

Creativity, productivity—

it’s my drug, my affinity.

It’s my antidote when giddily

I self-medicate validity.

Yet there’s no end to malignity,

I drown inside toxicity.

From antiquity its grip on me

Has tried to kill divinity.

Inside of me, infinity,

but God, tbh… I just can’t see

Why You had to choose someone like D. S. (Es)

Que aquí un poco frita

I can't keep up

like a grill left on too long.

Living life like this has got me burnt

Out, Papi.

Bones, so brittle,

Feeling little

Which ain’t easy

When my weight starts

With the number three.

See?

I’m out here telling secrets

like I want to be exposed

Cause my soul is thirsty

Yet I resent my role.

Light of the world, you said.

No longer living as dead.

Pardon me, Lord… what’s it mean though

When I can’t shake that

dead man’s hold?

Why do I want him so bad?

Out here like Bates with his Ma.

Here like Dahmer, with a jar.

Is that too far?

Where’s the lie?

I’m not fine,

Not okay,

Bleeding out on this page.

So my question, dear God,

Is, forgive me, but WHY!?

If it’s no longer me

but sin living in me,

Why is it all I want is to flee

and live riotously?

The fight with dark’s too hard,

Almost ready to give up,

have I gone too far?

Will you give me over to my reprobate mind?

Oh, please don’t God. I cry

When I think of your scars

Bearing mine on the cross,

Thinking of me as you die.

Oh my God, please forgive

Me, I know, God, I see.

You are kind not to strike me down,

Dead for thinking

Like this.

But God…

Why

Did

You

Choose

Me?

Because I love you,

you say, though I keep losing my way.

I’m with you where you go,

In the valley or mountain.

When I sin, where are you?

I’m still here though it grieves me.

When I doubt?

Yep. Still here. You can’t out-sin my grace, see?

Wouldn’t it be easier

to strike me down

To start over

with a clean slate

To Flood my life and wipe me out

Like you did those in Genesis?

To let the Red Sea waters fall

Like Pharaoh and his horsemen

In Exodus. Or like the sons of Korah

When you let the ground swallow them?

Too soon?

Hardly

I took your wrath upon myself

When I hung on the tree.

But you know what came next…

I was back by day three.

And If I can do that,

trust I’ll deal with your heart.

Yes it hurts, but much more to keep living like that.

Facts. No printer.

My finger

wrote the law in your heart.

Yeah.

You don’t have to keep it

to be a child of mine…

but you do have to believe. Do you?

Yes, Lord. How could I Not?

when you took me out of the miry clay,

set my feet upon a rock

and established my steps,

cleaned me up, trash took out,

when you called me by name,

and although I struggle

I’ll never be the same.

I started a work, but try me.

I’m not like a man.

If I say it, it’s done.

I keep my word.

Amen.

Sorry, Jesus.

It’s okay, I remember

I made you from dust.

Hey!

*laughs*

Baby, you’re mine, in My hand for all time.

Okay then, guess that’s fine.

Guess!?

Bombastic side eye from on high? You do too much, God.

Do I?

No. You’re perfect.

You are gracious and kind.

I love you, God.

I loved you first. It’s time for sleep.

Pray the Lord my Soul to keep?

Already done, little sheep.

Goodnight, King. Can you sing?

Yes, now rest in my peace.

Trust.

I am doing a new thing.