Why Santa Claus Went To An Adult

It's the night before Christmas, mince pies by the fire,

Lilly wonders if Santa will grant her desire?

Her man is at work: full of dedication,

I hope St. Nicholas gives him attention.

Neighbours snuggle up in bed,

wine spills around their heads.

Lilly cleans up all the sick,

it doesn't take much to make her tic.

Out from the window arose a shadow.

Lilly saw who it was, I say, "Wow!"

Lily thinks, “I’m 28, living in a blue flat.

And here before me stands St. Nick in his red hat.

"Lilly, you've been a very good girl,

so I've got you a bundle of joy and a pearl."

"Santa...why me?

I'm an adult, with an maths degree."

He lays presents under the tree.

The spark in his eyes painted glee.

"You have an adult's body,

but a child's spirit lives inside thee."

Lilly hears another noise.

It must be one of the boys.

The fella charges in, with his crew and are ready to seal Santa's doom.

"HANDS UP BURGULAR!" Ashton yells with a tone of doom.

Lily jumps between the two men. "Keep the noise down.

You'll wake everyone up in town."

"I am Santa Claus!" Santa says as he gives lily a pearl necklace. "Thank you so much for the mince pies.

Now if you can excuse me, I must go back to the skies."

Santa vanished in the blink of an eye.

The presents by the tree still piled up high.

Lilly dashes to the window at the sound of a jingle.

The police are left with nothing to do but mingle.

There goes St. Nick in his sleigh,

with reindeer doing both work and play.

Everyone leaves the flat. Ashton curls on the couch like a cat. He grumbles as the police drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, what a load of old shite!"