Where Ever You Are

“The results come out today” my sister says through facetime. Her phone dings letting us know they are here. As my mom held the camera toward her she opens the email. Pulling the phone to her chest to hide the screen she says “I’m scared what if I don’t make it” my mom reassures her “you always have next year”. The anticipation builds as they go back and forward between uncertainty and false confidence. My vision begins to narrow down as I disassociate. The anxiety finally got to mom and forces her to look at the results. “Fine… I made it!” she exclaims “I told you would” mom proudly says. My sister cries out of happiness and relief as mom gloats about having a dancer for another year. In the mean time I am 3 hours away. Through the excitement I can feel the hollow space between my sister and I. They sound as if they were a distant memory recorded through tape. “Of course you would make it. You put in a lot of work last year and showed improvement”. I know I said it but I did not feel one syllable on my lips. We end the call and I sit in the loud silence of my room living in the past when I would get mad at my sister for not knocking on my door before entering or when we would practice to make tiktoks she would never post. Back to when I didn’t realize she was my home.