When Will I Be

I have lain in darkness at night

Staring at the ceiling and

Worrying that I’m not enough

I wasn’t enough to keep Dad alive

Not enough to stall the passage of time

I’m not enough to stop Mom from losing

Her bodily strength or her hearing

Not enough to control the forces of nature

I’m not enough to mend the heartbreaks

Or to fix the mishaps

Or supplement the losses

My children suffer in troubling times

I’m not enough to assure good outcomes

In the lives of my grandchildren

I am not enough to command control

Not enough to influence the future

Deep down I feel the goal I should strive for

Is to be enough for me

But then, that seems selfish…

How can I be enough for me

Until I am enough for them—

Isn’t that how it should be?

No, that’s—

Illogical…

Don’t I have it backward?

Perhaps the truth is

I can never be enough for them

Until I am enough for me

But…when will that be?

When will I be

Enough?