what's with today these days?

Saturday- lying in bed- definitely not the fourth of July. the occasional minor victory in adulting- four months procrastinated- punctuates my day against the ever-so-real struggles of life. it embodies all that is anything but celebratory. the day need not even be named as it is merely one among many in what feels like an endless string of melancholy, and i know it doesn't matter if i call it ANY other time or place in the universe... or just HERE, TODAY... yesterday, today, tomorrow- these words strung together as are the days of the week seem to highlight their meaninglessness. but still i tap each letter and space into words and into place, rearranging them with more ease than i am able to form the foundations of viable social productivity. these words and i don't always agree, but with enough effort we usually come to a basic understanding. leaps and bounds beyond what i am able to find looking in the empty boxes on the calendar, neglected for days, weeks, or months at any given time... i didn't actively choose to live like this, crushed under rising pressure of meeting the basic requirements of existence- it's more of what i chose to ignore that took on this life-draining-force of its own. so now i need not ask "WHAT'S WITH TODAY THESE DAYS!?," but demand to know what will i do differently before i can't because it's too late...

but i waste another day; i am lost to my triggers and stresses, not addressing the mountain of calendars left to their own devices and unclaimed.