Welcome To My TedTalk

Do you ever feel just completely trapped in your own brain

and one day wonder what would happen if you just let go

of the steering wheel, would all this crazy shit stop

playing over and over in your mind like a reel?

Daily it's the same thing and you take pills that

are supposed to make you feel happy but wonder

"why do I still feel dead inside?"

and wonder what's wrong with me?

Aren't I supposed to be happy? Why can't I be happy?

Why do I feel like I can do nothing right and everything wrong

and then it fades every so slightly when your kid tells you

you're his bestfriend and then maybe, just maybe,

you're whole life isn't a steaming pile of crap on repeat.

But then it fades away because I'm not good enough,

how can you be good enough whenever you have this

huge chasm that follows your every step

and it makes you feel like you're being swallowed alive.

And you can't smile, because smiling

is just too hard and you wonder why?

Why can't I just give up but at the same time,

you're too selfish to see anyone happy without you.

You wonder when this cloud will stop raining on your parade,

or is my parade destined to have a storm follow it

for the rest of your life. Am I just destined to take these medications

that don't help the storm, because it still rages

and there are far and few in-between days

where that storm is just a sprinkle. I've heard the saying

over and over, that the storm shall pass and

you just have to weather it out, but when will this storm pass

because I'm knee high in water and there's no sun in sight.

When will it be my turn to feel the sun? To be happy,

to be able to smile at someone genuinely

and not some half baked attempt with a

soaked paper bag that has a happy face drawn on it.