Unraveled

When it first started

i felt like i found the one

i felt this spark that died in me

so long ago

reignited

we talked for hours

i thought about you

for days

i planned out our life

for the next decades

weeks went by

something shifted

you told me i didn’t know

i felt this anxiety start to grow

you called me stupid and dumb

and ugly

and made me feel worthless

and then to cover it all up

you said it was just a joke

your sadism started to show

you said i should just give up

you made my pain bloom

you told me

you think you’re really

going to change the world

you told me there was nothing special about me

you made my anxiety have a permanence

you clipped my wings

i tried to leave

rushing out before you completely destroyed me

yet

you made me stay

locked me in

it started with texts

then phone calls

where you undervalued every part of me

i didn’t understand what i do so wrong

to make you hurt me

i didn’t understand

why you started comparing me

to every other person you valued

and undervalued me

telling me i didn’t deserve affection

so that’s why you treated me this way

that even when i told you how much

sleep i lost

weight i lost

tears i lost

because of how I “am”

i deserved to be hurt over and over again

while every other person in your life

got your affection

got your encouragement

got your kindness

while i got nothing

because that’s what i deserved

i was a worthless person

now you moved on after you

stopped playing with

the toy

you percieved me as

and get to show

real love

to another

while i’m left broken