Unlovable

I am either too much, Or I'm not enough certainly not, a diamond in the rough.

Stuck somewhere in between. wanting and not wanting to be seen

Head up high and take a deep breath, I swear on everything I'm trying my best.

My heart hurts and my mind screams, I can't seem to escape my dreams.

So used to being alone, now I don't always know when I have a home.

I used to dance in the car, Now I stare out the window while my mind wonders' far.

I used to sing so everyone could hear, now people are my biggest fear.

Years of abuse and pain, Know I'll never be the same.

Broken and beaten, Betrayed, they been cheatin.

I'm breaking the cycle, this shits gonna end.

Using my voice, Listening to my friends.

I tear up, I lay down I try to scream, but don't make a sound.

There's so much runnin through my head, Somedays I can't leave my bed

My head hurts, my body screams and I always cry

Fighting the feeling to want to die.

Hold my hand and wipe my tears, kiss my lips and calm my fears.

Love my trauma from all these years, touch my scars, you'll feel my pain.

Watched his casket close, I'll never be the same.

I struggle everyday and work my ass off to not wear my pain.

Painted on my face, that happy mask.

Silent warrior, it's not an easy task.

GP warrior, wishing for a stomach transplant

I just want to get my life back.

All my life I've had to fight, whether it's a person or for my life.

Manifesting for things to change for once in my life,

for things to go my way.

I'll never stop trying, keep my voice loud.

I'm someone easily picked out in a crowd

Hear them scream my name, I never expected to have this fame.

So much pressure, compared to last year

The person I am now is not the same.

Knew me then, you don't know me now.

I'll never stop evolving, can't bring me down.

My smile is crooked, but not my crown.

I may fall down, but I'll always pick myself back up off the ground.

Don't NEED anyone, but I WANT them around.

Used to be quiet, now I'm real loud.

Doing it for my kids, tryna make them proud.

Praying to live to see my kids grow.

At the same time hoping my son

doesn't lose his battle and gets a chance to grow old.

He's stronger than me, this I know. My baby boy has taught me so much.

His whole life he's fought so hard, kids really tough.

Taught me strength and patience.

My baby girl? Shes high maintenance.

Attitude is loud and proud, can't knock her down.

When it comes to her brothers, she cheers the loudest.

Clappin and cryin at his PT, she was the proudest.

Then there's my oldest, head in the clouds I call him Dilly Dally,

Trying his hardest not to turn into his daddy.

He calls me his best friend and he knows that he's right.

I'm his safe space, my baby has had a hell of a fight.

Proud of the boy he's becoming

He is the glue for his siblings, for them he'll come runnin.

He teaches them everything he knows, gets excited when they grow.

My boy really glows, my kids are my world anyone who knows me knows.

I really do this shit for them, so they don't have to struggle the way I did.

I don't care who judges me cause very few actually know me.

It's hard for me to trust anyone, so I don't really show me.

Hearing a lot of sneak talk, but ya'll don't want me to bring back the old me

Sayin, you got my back, but that's not what you've shown me.

You can enjoy being stuck in the same spot, I'ma continue growing.

Stuck in love with a ghost of person, got his most broken version.

I broke myself worse than ever before, I really lost myself there for a moment

I've never been that low before, he got the best part of me,

I'm scared I'll never get them back. Cause never putting that much effort in.

I know I'll never get that much back, I just love real hard and that's my fault.

Addicted to fixing the broken and loving the unlovable.

Each time losing a piece of me, for me it seems unavoidable.

I've turned myself into the

UNLOVABLE.