Tranlusence Fades

If I were a color, I’d be translusent

And I would shimmer when the light hit me.

I’d be full of air, and I would float away.

Carefree, I would have no thoughts,

feeling whole would not be an idea I strived for.

I’d feel strength in the weak times,

when the pain of living becomes too much to bear.

Instead, I feel hollow and see-through and dull,

Never what I hope for.

And my anger grows

A reminder of what I’m missing

It becomes apparent in the shadows,

Where translucence fades into the background

The air I breathe, that once marched purposefully until the gray retreated,

Is poison in my lungs,

Leaving me gasping and struggling for hope - in anything,

Let me be someone that nothing matters to.

The ache is so constant,

I’ve grown accustomed to it.

It wears me like a second skin until I start to fade,

In its absence, I find myself gripping memories of the pain while I cling to the rejection of a love I thought was forever.

Until they become so intertwined, I can’t tell them apart.

The pain or the lost love-

I miss them both.

Like a phantom limb with an itch, I can't scratch; I reach for it anyway.

My attempt falling short,

Wishing I could be anywhere else

I close my eyes and think . . .

. . . If I were a color.

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