Torn

Kiss me softly as my tears fall silently

My head is confused tonight

Feelings mixed up where they shouldn't be

Questions ringing in my head I should never consider

Yet I do

I look into your eyes and try to find solace there

Feel comforted with your arms around me

Yet all I feel is cold inside and out

I inch closer to you willing to feel anything but this chill

But you-my first love-the one that has taken such good care of me over the years

Are what has my heart in a knot

You kiss me on the lips gently and I can't help but to hear this hidden message

That is conveyed between our silent lips

All the whispers you've voiced to me before and never

Are twirling around my eardrums telling me secrets I already know

Your feelings for me have never been hidden

And here you wait for me to see you in a light you should be in

But is occupied by another

Your lips burn my skin like fire

But I can't seem to draw away

The electricity in your kiss only makes me sink deeper still

Into this confusing fog I've found myself in since I first saw your face

Though you're not holding it

My heart is bound to you in so many ways

Never separating over time and distance

Only to grow stronger the longer we're apart

But to what end

Do I let go of my attachments and let you pull me into the tide of your love

Or do I hold onto my life line

What's keeping me rooted to the ground

Or just let go

As I lay here now in your arms these questions haunt me

A voice

Your voice

Is calling from a distance in the far reaches of my mind

I can hear you crying for me

Calling for me to take your hand

And let go

Just let go

But I'm afraid

What if I lose everything if I let go

Another haunting question that circles my head

Should I take this leap of faith or stick to what I know

Maybe one day perhaps in the future

I feel warmth settle over me as your arms tighten their grip around my naked body

The whispers dissipate if only to allow me a little peace of mind for the time being

You kiss me again

But this is a different kiss

I feel sadness in this kiss-loss

2

Is this goodbye

Do I leave now after what we just experienced

This slow love making we've only just started to understand

Do I leave you in tears wondering what could have been

Leave myself in tears knowing what I'm leaving behind

What do I do

I'm torn

Torn into pieces

My broken soul bruised and battered

I breath you in

Memorizing your unique sent and the scent of our sex

Will I ever feel this again

The feeling of making love to you isn't something I can say with words

But I can express it in my soul if you know where to look

And you do

You see

You also see the knowledge that I must return to my other life before long

That this night may not repeat again

And I see how much you cherish tonight by the tears in your eyes as you know the night is over

And as I kiss you one last time

It really is goodbye

Goodbye for now not forever

And as I pull away into the night leaving behind my hopes and dreams with you

I'm still torn

Forever Torn