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Torn in Two

Between her dreams and her obligations

By Colleen Millsteed Published 8 months ago Updated 8 months ago 2 min read
10
Image courtesy of Pixabay

Complications were her forte once upon a time,

What could go wrong was a genuine guarantee,

She didn’t strive for trouble, it was not her cup of tea,

But a sign on her forehead screamed ‘pick me, pick me.’

😭

She was built of moral fortitude, stressed throughout childhood,

Riddled with shame, full of guilt, a mess of mixed emotions,

Lacking in self esteem, a crazy voice inside her head cursing her,

A battle of wills inside her heart, causing havoc and commotions.

😭

Is it any wonder then that she was a broken mess of contradiction?

An insecurity of mass productions through turmoil and stress,

Volatility her middle name, anger and rage to blame,

A cocktail of depression waiting to explode, no less.

😭

Throw into the mix a love she didn’t deem she was worthy of,

An oath to which she was bound, no longer through want or need,

But a promise she’d made to another, a lifetime of error,

A monstrosity of mistakes, her guilt and shame to then feed.

😭

She was caught between her dreams and her moral compass,

And had to make a decision that she felt in her heart was right,

That she could comfortably live with, regardless of the traumatic pain,

That caused her to decide the oath she taken was the winner of this fight.

😭

Sadly, there was an innocent party caught up in her web of ties,

One that didn’t deserve the pain she threw their way,

No amount of gentleness could ease the destruction in her wake,

And she had to hold her head high and honour her decision that day.

😭

She walked forward with intention, fearful of looking back,

The tears in heart cascading in a torrent of waterfalls,

She almost faltered within her strength and turned to go back,

But she soldiered on, did what she believed was right when duty calls.

😭

In the end it was all for naught,

A terrible mistake of epic proportions,

But the damage was done, the pain worn,

And nothing could fix the crippling distortions.

😭

But knowing everything she now knows today,

She’d make the same decision twice over,

Because she had to give it her all,

Or her guilt and shame would deem a hostile takeover.

😭

The mistake was the original oath taken,

She’d known that the day it had been made,

By then the damage was done,

And she’s sorry for the innocence that paid!

Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.

If you enjoy this piece, you may enjoy this one too.

Please visit my website if you'd like more information on my newly published book, Battle Angel : The Ultimate She Warrior.

Originally published on Medium

sad poetryheartbreak
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About the Creator

Colleen Millsteed

My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.

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Comments (8)

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  • Manisha Dhalani8 months ago

    My eyes welled up reading this - felt so relatable. Thank you for writing and sharing this beautiful piece of written work!

  • Diane Mary Markey8 months ago

    Colleen, another work of words that speak from your heart, Diane.

  • Babs Iverson8 months ago

    Colleen, you nailed it!!! Left some love!!!

  • Gosh this was just so relatable! My middle name is volatility too! Loved your poem my friend!

  • Prayers & blessings to you, my friend. We have a similar view of oaths taken & of the burden it is to bear them.

  • Very relatable 🙏✨

  • Ha, 😊This is Great 💯❤️📝👍

  • Judey Kalchik 8 months ago

    Oh that 4th verse! Exactly right.

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