Too mean to Quit

Can’t concentrate

I can’t write a thing

My mind is in turmoil

Constantly moving

From topic to topic

Stopped taking

My anti-anxiety medication

I didn’t like the side effects

That was starting up

The constant muscle spasms

And the jerks

So I quit cold turkey

Without talking to my doctor

Because I wasn’t waiting two weeks

To get the okay to quit

Now I’m aggravated and mean

Trying to stay in my lane

Wishing I had more to say

But I just don’t

My heart feels weaker

But I may have forgotten a pill this morning

Like I said, I can’t concentrate on one thing

My mood is so bad that the smell of my husband

Just pisses me off

Oh, God, did he just open his mouth to talk?!

Wishing the cat would lay by himself

And that the dogs would take care of themselves

Tired of trying

Too mean to quit

I guess I’m here to stay

*************

I quit taking Abilify last week. This week, I feel like a crazy hermit. Since I quit cold turkey, the muscle spasms and jerks have calmed down. But my mental health is deteriorating rapidly. I've no patience, and I stay aggravated. Right now, I could live off-grid somewhere, with no one around, and I'd be happy.

I know this is no way to live, and I should NOT have quit cold turkey, but I felt that the side effects would cause more harm to my heart, and with heart failure, I can't afford to take any chances on my heart's function. I'll be talking to my PCP about an alternative that I can take with my heart medications. If she tells me that there is nothing else, I'll go to the natural mood medication, and smoke a doobie. Just wished that would improve my concentration more, instead of making me more airheaded than I already am.