Tomorrow Will Be Better

Today was hard.

His behavior got out of hand. He's at the age where he knows what buttons to press. But he's also at the age where his emotions are still overwhelming and everything is still strange and new to him. He's still learning.

I should know better than to let my behavior mirror his when he's having a tough day.

"I'm sorry."

He just nodded his head quietly.

The tears had dried up but the sadness was still evident in his eyes and the way he continued to cling to me for comfort.

"You know I love you always right? Momma always loves you."

He nods once more and responds with a tiny "Yup."

And we just sat there. Him in my lap, playing with my hair. Me cradling him and running my hands through his hair too.

Today we hold eachother and say we're sorry. I wipe his tears and he let's me. I'm his momma no matter what.

But how long until we have one of our fights and he doesn't seek comfort in me afterwards?

How long before he stops letting me wipe his tears away? How long until he starts to question if he's still loved or not?

Because the way mom just yelled, doesn't feel like love should.

Being a parent is hard. Some days you want to cry and yell and throw a fit. Some days you feel like you aren't cut out for it and like no matter what you're doing something wrong.

The hardest part is remembering you're the adult, they're the child.

He sees me, looks to me, learns from me. I'm his guidance and his comfort.

He tests me as a way to learn. And I need to remember that.

Today I forgot. Today I wasn't what he needed me to be.

Tomorrow I'll remember. And we'll do better. Because I'm still learning too.