Goodbye happened gently,
Slipping into my overcrowded head
While I was sleeping away
Troubled dreams that gnawed
Incessantly on my brain
And refused me relief.
Goodbye happened quietly,
Each time I had to hold your hand
To beg you to stay
My grip lessened
Minutely and minutely
Until there was already an ocean
Between us and you
Wondered where I was
To chase your tailcoats like I always had.
Goodbye happened within me,
With every harsh word
The goodbye grew and grew,
Was nurtured until it squeezed
Through the cracks and overflowed
From the canyons in my heart
Until it became its own pulsating
Rhythm in my chest,
a drumbeat for my feet to move to
In the direction furthest away from you.
Goodbye felt like summer sunshine
warming your face
After years of blustery cold but you overstayed
Your welcome with the sun and blistered and burned
And your sobbing tears did nothing
to soothe the gaping ache
In your life but instead they rubbed salt
in the wound.
And on this chilly, blustery day, July 15th,
I finally said goodbye.
I didn’t say it aloud to you, no,
Because I didn’t want to close the door,
My heart still demanded that I leave it cracked
Just the tiniest sliver
So that if you miraculously decided to grow,
If you overcame the slithering vines that held you fast
And stagnant on the ground,
If you became tall enough to reach it
Without me bending down anymore with arms outstretched,
You would find that you still had a way back home
If you weren’t too late on your journey up.
Goodbye sounded like doors creaking.
I didn’t close the door all the way,
But I cracked it and finally said goodbye.