To My Erstwhile Love

Dear Erstwhile Love,

Many days, many nights have passed between now and then,

since everything happened - you know when -

since I knew your presence and heard your voice,

since I stepped away and made my choice.

. . .

We knew happiness and joy, laughter and hope,

but when things got hard, we just tried to cope.

We pushed our feelings, needs, and doubts aside,

only for them to build and swell like an angry ocean’s tide.

You had your quaint white picket-fenced dream,

and I was the final piece in your humble life-scheme.

. . .

Now, there was nothing wrong with your hopes and desire;

it’s just - I had my own. We ended up playing with fire.

You wanted your way and to achieve that end

you depreciated my dreams so that I would bend.

You weren’t malicious in it; you thought it made sense.

And it did to an extent, but under a mistaken pretense.

My dreams didn’t fit your vision. “It’s a waste of money,” you said.

I considered your words and almost left my goals for dead.

. . .

What I wanted was not too much:

Just to finish college and the likes and such.

I wanted to travel the world, for a short time of course.

I knew if I buried my dreams, I would be filled with remorse.

There were things I had yet to do, places I had yet to see,

people I had yet to meet - to become the person I now know as me.

. . .

Your dreams were not wrong, and neither were mine,

but they were so different, they could not entwine.

So I tore out my heart and bid you a tearful farewell.

Staying and leaving both seemed like hell.

I numbed myself by day to keep moving on,

then cried myself to sleep, knowing you were gone.

I pressed on to heal, to become the best version of me,

and on days when it was hard, I prayed for God to help me see.

It took time. It took patience. It took growth. It took pain.

The healing was slow, but it was not in vain.

. . .

I now look back on the lives we’ve both made:

Of the spouses and homes for which we so desperately prayed.

You have your country white picket-fenced dream:

A beautiful family - the things that glitter and gleam.

You’ve built the life you wanted and reached your desired outcome,

and I’m so proud of the husband, the father, the man you’ve become.

You set out to find and to live out your goal.

You found it, and now it feeds your soul.

. . .

My own journey took patience, quietness, and time,

much like writing this poem and making the ends rhyme.

I traveled the world - three times to be exact:

To Europe and Asia and all the way back.

I did the things I needed to do and saw the places I needed to see.

I met the people I needed to meet. I became who I was meant to be.

I went back to college and worked harder than ever.

I grew and learned and will be grateful forever.

I graduated with honors and received my degree.

I made the top of my class - You would be proud of me!

. . .

Little did I know I met my other half a year prior to you.

He approached me and said “Hi! I’m from here, too!”

We were friends for four years, catching up on our week,

talking of school life and work life - of not much to speak.

We went on a summer date to get tacos and coffee.

After a few weeks, we thought “How dumb could we be?”

Friends for four years, both from the same town -

How did it take us so long to ‘round?

The two of us together just made perfect sense,

and so our relationship set out to commence.

After one year, he got down on one knee

and asked very simply, “Will you marry me?”

We were married the next summer in view of family and friends,

our vows and our love - a story that never ends.

. . .

Sometimes I am sad you and I did not work out,

but I know it was for the best, without a shadow of a doubt.

You loved me and grew me, even if for a short while,

and I still remember you fondly with a heartfelt smile.

I am grateful for the lessons and experiences I had,

even the hard things that still make me sad.

Thank you for your time, your heart and your mind.

Thank you for loving me and always being kind.

Without you I wouldn’t have become the woman I am today,

and though it was hard, I’m glad I chose to walk away.

There is grace and mercy in every hard choice,

where joy meets sorrow, and for that I rejoice!

. . .

Though I’ve said it before, I will say it again:

“Thank you and farewell, my dear erstwhile friend!

I wish you the best - I hope you know it’s true.

Farewell and goodbye! And God bless you!”

Sincerely,

Your Quondam Love