To My Child

My mother passed away June 20th of 2022. It's been a year and a half already, and I still miss her as much as the day we laid her to rest.

I was going through some of my things (I'm somewhat of a hoarder lol) and I came across a small notebook I started when I was a teenager that I wrote down poems and quotes I liked. I haven't looked through the book in years. But as I opened and read last night, I came across a poem my momma had written for me back in 2004. Twenty years ago! Of course, I cried.

Momma was very talented and creative. She could paint, just like her mother, the most beautiful scenery. Her favorite thing to paint was windmills for some reason. But she also would write from time to time. The poems she wrote didn't rhyme, but they came straight from her heart and mind.

This is the poem she wrote for me so many years ago:

To My Child by Lynn Tanner

Like the eyes of the stars that flames burn back,

Amanda, my little one,

With twinkling eyes of baby blues.

When I see you every time at the age of five,

Hair of dark autumn brown,

Highlights of the sun,

Skin of tan.

A voice so soft, petals of red velvet roses,

Expressing sounds of as what to expect,

In the future.

My lips of experience and wisdom,

To leave you joy in some special way,

As we are distant, but daily contact is near.

As sure as the wind blows the sand,

It does land special again.

So remember the clouds do water.

The winding rivers, even drops,

Of life for us.

The glare of the sun,

Makes the crops grow.

Even a shade tree for me and you to sit under,

And share a pecan that's been broken,

Ready to eat.

The blooms like flowers,

You have grown like pink blossoms,

Of a big Formosa tree.

They are as beautiful as your heart,

That shines within,

That pleases me.

All the loneliness now will be overcome,

Like a stone of granite,

When we see each other again.

That's been broken by the angelic beings,

To guide us safely through,

And plenty of air,

We shall breathe that refreshes us.

I leave you not in my heart.

Written on July 18th of 2004.

Some things you need to know to make a few parts of this poem make sense is that my momma suffered from a terrible mental illness that stole much of my childhood from me being with her. She was diagnosed as manic-depressive schizophrenic. To say I seen some crazy things in my early years is an understatment.

But she was away in a mental institution, in and out, for several years. That is what she means in the poem about loneliness, distance, and that contact is near. She wrote this poem while there for treatment after her meds were straightened out and she was back to her normal self.

She talks about me as the age of five, a young girl, because those were the years we were together before all the institution stays. We were inseparable. I was glued to my momma's side as a child. When she talks about a shade tree for us to sit under, there is a pecan tree in the back yard. We used to pick up pecans and sell them or give them away. And we always ate some along the way.

She speaks of her lips of experiences and wisdom, and I am who I am today, mostly because of her. She had a heart pure of gold. And it shined through to anyone who took notice of her good nature. She taught me to be kind, loving, and forgiving. She believed in the Lord and lived to one day be united with the angels above. She passed her knowledge on to me even when I missed out on half of my younger years with her. Her influence was strong, and I love her that much more for it.

My momma may not be on this earth anymore, but she will forever be in my heart, my mind, and my memories. I owe so much to her for all her teachings. For all the wisdom that I now share with my own growing children. I am grateful.

Isaiah 40:31: But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.