To be loved

To be loved

To the nights I used to cry myself to sleep just the thought of you,

I had no choice into thinking my happy days was on its way,

To be in the arms of the one I cried for repeatedly only weakened my love for you,

My cries turned into anger for you not coming to my rescue only split me in two,

I had a prayer on repeat daily for your love,

To the days I cried so much just didn’t feel the same,

I was broken,

Even my spirit had left me,

My tears turned me into stone,

I became darkness for the love that didn’t truly love me,

My happiness exited my body knowing no one was coming,

I felt alone on this world,

My soulless body ventured this world with no love for no one,

I was angry at life,

Why would you bring me into this world to be abused out of love,

Every day I miss you and still do,

I even cried for my brothers and sister just to feel you,

Venturing through life mad at it because I had no love,

This love I observed through others made it even worse,

I felt for the mothers that got abused by there children,

I felt the destruction of a family crushing the love out of a family but always remand one,

I observed relationships fail because they did not understand it,

I observed so much love around me but didn’t receive any from the one I call mum,

I was lost and confused,

Darkened by pain for love that had me mentally and physically abused,

I had no way of getting it from you,

My love for anything was nothing,

I didn’t believe in anything or anyone but me so life was entertaining this way,

I abused my body because of it,

People where my worst enemy behind my smile,

I had no one,

Even my blood brothers and sister had us all pushed away from each other,

It seemed like life hated me but still I lived in it,

To all that has gained was an understanding of love that people abused,

They was all surrounded by it but doubted it being there like a ghost,

I could feel it and in away it was observing me,

Taking me through a journey to understand love from within myself it attached its self to me,

Me and love venturing this world on path for my understanding as my guide,

Abusing people mentally and physically for my understanding of giving love but I was fighting it,

I wouldn’t let it in,

From what I was observing through others I wasn’t going to get it abused from people who truly didn’t appreciate it or understand it,

From my observation of love getting abused I started asking the questions why,

Why would anyone abuse such power,

This force lights up people and to darken it out of someone’s life is what I felt from not being loved at all,

My understanding was love,

So I become love in its pure state,

Pure to understand the mental aspects of abuse of love,

Pure in its physical state to over come anything that is over powering for the body to endure because of the fear that controls the body into the negative force field,

Stuck in a world of confusion and pain not understanding love for who you truly are,

My understanding is life,

For the love of life must be understood by your love,

People test us for our understanding of it,

Once you become love,

Why would you doubt it or bother asking questions,

For the love of life is life and you will be tested on it because you are it,

So I become the force that everyone doubts,

It is this force that is locked away in people from not truly understanding it,

You are drowning deep inside because you fear to express this love deep inside,

Lost to speak your true emotions,

Lost because you are not being your true self,

You are a stone because of it,

You sit their feeling emotions to express but don’t express them,

Your mind confuses you because you aren’t being true with them,

Be honest with your self,

Stop blinding your view of becoming who you truly are,

This is what separates me from you,

I am true with everything I am,

I became something we all hide because it is our selfishness to realize that who we are could only be something that we hide from not understanding,

I am love,

I am true with who I am,

I don’t fear to express my self,

It was my understanding to be in my mothers love that set me on a mission to receive it

Instead of receiving it,

I become it,

Setting my soul free from the darkness that only wanted to be loved,

home.