This is your first time

This is your first time

Your first time on the drink

when the lips of many men want to kiss you,

an eighteen year old girl.

When the words you thought you could speak

as though they are fluid thread, become knotted,

and your tongue is caught by a woman with too many teeth

and not enough sobriety to help you survive the clouds

brewing behind your eyes.

Your first time on the smoke was laughable.

You kept it trapped in your mouth, never allowing it to dive into your lungs.

Never breathing fire despite the dragon heart you possess

for fear of burning the lovers you surround yourself with,

for a tongue as barbed as yours is barred

from the taste of true transcendence.

Your first time on the tab.

You were told to be careful with it, but never

inhale its toxins with the vapour of fear,

because the mind opened portals inaccessible from the cage

of your propriety and respectability.

You were promised euphoria

and got a dry mouth ever speaking

yet unsure of ever making noise.

Your first time saying yes to what you were taught

was the first step into the oblivion of the modern world

allowed you to write forgotten histories

and preach sermons of our death in ice

and the rebirth from fire

and the growing warmth of life

in the claustrophobic world between.