Things You Are Not Allowed in the Baby Taj

(In an alternative reality, where I am a security guard at the Baby Taj.)

Right, let's start with the obvious.

No explosives, no weapons, no flammable anything; destroying

the place is against the rules. No tools, either; we don't need

adjustments. We've been doing just fine for 400 years

without your creative tendencies. And on that note, your children

can reign it in too: no colouring pencils, no toys, no sweets.

No wine; I'm not sure about other alcohol, but no eatables

and we all know what happens when you drink on an empty stomach

so best not. Were you thinking of reading in the garden? Well,

no books, and no headphones either just in case you thought

you were to get round that with an audiobook. No tripods or drones;

take your photos the old-fashioned way, or don't. No helmets -

are you trying to call the safety of the architecture into question?

Nothing is going to fall on your empty head. No microphones;

podcast bros stay at home. What do you need that big bag for?

No chance mate, it's probably full of colouring pencils. AND A FLAG.

What do you need that for? Going to seize the Baby Taj in the name of

...wherever? Cheeky. Just don't smoke in here, and don't

bring flowers. We don't do romance; that's what the Taj is for.

I hope you enjoyed this poem about my favourite site in Agra, the Baby Taj. Here's another!