There is love here
Snippets of a gay life
"I want to tell you something," I stammer. "I'm in love with someone. Someone so amazing and kind and wonderful to me. His name is Dan."
Silence.
My parents take a minute to catch their breath and I begin to lose mine.
"We're disappointed," they say. "We love you but we will never understand this. We will never accept this."
"I'm sorry," I say, feeling the weight of their words in my lungs. We stop talking.
*
"We're going to have to bring him now," the social worker says on the phone.
"I thought we were doing a gradual transition over the next week?"
"His current foster family found out you're a gay couple and say he should stay with them instead. If he's coming to you it has to be now."
The couple had been trying to move him out of their foster home for months, saying his needs were more than they could handle.
"Okay bring him over- we'll be ready."
He shows up with a garbage bag full of his clothes and a talking Moses doll who recites the ten commandments when you touch his stomach.
"Honor your father and your mother" the doll says.
*
"I'm just not able to live ashamed of myself anymore," I tell my son (and remind myself).
"I get it. We just won't be friends," he responds.
"I'm sorry. It's not fair that his parents are putting you guys in this position."
My son had struck up a friendship with a boy from basketball. The boy's parents didn't want him to be friends with someone whose parents are gay.
"It's okay," my son says, "I have other friends."
"It's not," I say. "It's not okay."
*
"You are loved," she says and reaches her hand towards me from her booth at the elementary school fair, offering a bright pink PFLAG sticker.
I pause. I smile. I feel the tightness in my throat as my eyes begin to twitch and water.
"I...um...thank you. Thank you for being here."
"Are you a teacher?" she asks.
"No, no- just a parent. It means so much that you're here."
I'm overhelmed. I quickly retreat to my car, walking by the student carnival booths and the fire truck with children climbing all over it.
"There is love here," I think, and start to cry.
About the Creator
F Cade Swanson
Queer dad from Virginia now living and writing in the Pacific Northwest. Dad poems, sad poems, stories about life. Read more at fcadeswanson.com
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Comments (9)
Congratulations on having your story featured as a top story on Vocal! This is a remarkable achievement, and it's clear why your work has received such recognition. Your storytelling is truly exceptional. The narrative was not only compelling but also beautifully crafted, holding my attention from start to finish. The way you developed the characters and plot was masterful, making the story both engaging and thought-provoking. Your unique voice and perspective shine through, setting your work apart. It’s evident that you poured a lot of passion and effort into this piece, and it has certainly paid off. I look forward to reading more of your incredible stories in the future. Keep up the fantastic work! Best regards, Dr. Jay
I haven’t been so moved by writing in a while. This was very emotional and beautifully written and structured 🤍🌟
The ending made me emotional. Absolutely heartwrenching story.
Congratulations on Top Story! Richly deserved. 🥳 There is love here. 😘 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜😘 I deeply value the candor and complexity of what you wrote. Each vignette shines through painful, raw emotions. I am crying to hear of these experiences - breaks my heart and makes me angry. To think, these bigoted people get one life and look how they're wasting it. Incidentally, almost all of my family (brother, sister, spouses, nieces, nephews, etc.) are in Scotland for a destination wedding/reception. While overseas, they made a point of participating in Scotland Pride. My sister and sister-in-law wore PROUD MAMA t-shirts and walked with their kids in solidarity. There is love there, too.
I felt your pain and your joys; I know so many gay parents that I actually don't give it much thought. They are family, friends and strangers. To think someone would not let their child play with yours because you are gay is so broken. *I sent you a little coffee or gummy bear tip* Hugs from ole ROCK in Sweden
Wow you presented some moments of emotional intensity here, and managed to highlight the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. I guess we all try to find acceptance and understanding in society. There are so many societal prejudices, and we all strive for love and support in the end. So so beautiful, Cade!
These snippets are a deep delve into a life that I can only ever imagine and what you've had to deal with and will continue to face. This was beautifully and movingly rendered. I second Lacy.
F Cade, I am tearing up at all the emotions represented in this piece. I would hope that society is beyond judging others by now, but just keep fighting with your stories. All a dad needs to be is a loving advocate for a child and that should cross all personal choices we make to be happy. Your writing is brave, and your stories need to be told.
I can feel the intensity of emotions in this piece. Very powerful 🏳️🌈