The Stories 4

The rebuilding

By: Jessica Taylor

She had loved him for so long now, but,she knew what needed to be done. If she continued on this path it would only lead to her eventual destruction. How would she ever learn to end this chapter in her life.

He was always there physically, mentally and spiritually; always challenging her to be better, but as she was led by him to rise, she was also led by him to fall. Though she would never allow it to show.

It is what love does to ones entity, but her love for him was different; she realized the eternity on this; the one sided love. He would never love her as she loved him, for he belonged to another. Now the trick was to find a way to keep him while closing the chapter on the one sided love.

Damn her heart; damn her mind; damn her soul; the wall was strong; her guard was broken by kindness and the knowledge of someone; even if it was just one person; caring about her more than anyone dared. It was the first time and it would be the last.

Her heartache was deep; nebulous was no more, yet, she felt his dark heart; how he longed to be reborn. But, she wouldn't allow the demon to be reborn in the midst of her maddening pain. He could stay in the slumber she had created for him if only for her brief eternity.

The place was here.... The time.... Now...this.... Her new chapter.

It began so suddenly like the vast array of dawn after a midnight slumber; she realized now what must be done. She sensed the power of her own fear, yet, she would never again allow it to control her. She grew on her sensation allowing her own power to radiate through the color of her aura.

This would be her finest hour; her tide of life renewed, starting by releasing the notion of the pesky one sided love. But how she would do it would bring about the apocalypse of hearts beyond the one sided love.

First above all remain calm, cool and unaffected by his wiles and handsome array of light. Oh yes you may keep the poise, but never relent.

Second.... Posture is an amazing thing.... It shows confidence... Which you surely have... Mystery also intensifies the self confidence..... Never loose any of it... Let yourself shine!

Starting now her life begins. This... A new chapter; the last chapter has ended... A new one arises.... Now masses her strength..... Her fight continues on.... Her love rages on....

Damn her insolent mind; keeping dreams steady on about the redheaded man.... Damn her beating heart; thrumming with desires for her only one....

Damn her fleeting soul; falling for the sun when she is the moon in the nights sky!

Her wall was once strong.... It will take time to rebuild..... Out of the shadows.... Time will reveal all. She loves him; oh how she loves him, but, now, as the wall crumbles to her feet... This man... She knows he cares... But Tis time.

Once she was led by him to rise, yet, in that.... By him she was also led to fall. Yes, it was the first time and it would be the last.

Ode to an unforgettable night

By: Jessica Taylor

This was supposed to be my time to shine; with a gown fit for a queen in modern times; with a makeover that would make the men drool and swoon in delight; with a man that could possibly make my future one for the better.

I wanted it so badly I could taste it; but, as usual nothing was as it seemed. The dress was never made, the makeover never happened and the man was never met.

My heart debated the journey; yet I had made promises; I never back out of a promise purposely. It was all so clear a week ago and now life was uncertain.

I waited with an anxious heart and my nerves rattled my skull like the rapping of Poes' "Raven" echoing in my mind saying the phrase of "Nevermore"

Still I proceeded with the prep work that would make me look suitable for this type of affair; my stomach lurched and my mind started to spin.

It was a quarter after six when my ride finally arrived to take me to our destination and still I could not calm my over intense nerves. I was embarrassed to be among those who were so kind to me, maybe it was because I had felt so alone; everyone was expecting me to be in all the luxuries my friend had promised and they had expected me to have my date, it was no wonder why I felt so ashamed.

We arrived around six-forty-five to be greeted by the family that had been formed by bonds of friendship that would seek to outlast time and space.

People around me looked fabulous; so dressed up and the decorations were enough to make the holiday season last throughout the year.

I watched as my friends appeared with their better halves and prayed that wasn't the only one who would be alone this night; I walked the fifth floor of the grand hotel looking for familiar faces and a place of solitude, but alas everywhere I went, I was sure to be found by someone.

Finally I decided it was time for me to eat; I walked into the ballroom that smelled so wonderful and decided on a Cajun type of shrimp; piling on a large amount while feeling my stomach growl with anxiousness.

I found a table to stand at after finding no chair to plant my bottom on and realized there were people walking around with Pepsi and I wanted one. I went in search of the table that contained the drinks and found it not far from where I had decided to eat; I grabbed a Pepsi and headed back for my food.

While I ate I talked with a few of my friends and their guests; the compliments made me feel a little better but I still had the massive knot inside my stomach.

I had soon finished my shrimp and Pepsi then decided to wander a little more. After about fifteen minutes the manager of my department had found me long enough to compliment me and tell me to eat something; nodding my head and rolling my eyes I politely said that I had eaten my fill and was looking for the department head. After finding out that he had not yet arrived I walked away feeling his eyes as if they were burning a hole through me.

I made my way to an alcohol stand and ordered myself a white wine that i had had the previous year. The taste was exquisite like the sun ripened grapes were whole and fresh upon my tongue. I walked to a window passing close friends who didn't seem to recognize me as I passed by, but it mattered not, for I was in constant thought for my Charles. The man who could not be with me tonight.

I gazed out the window to see lovers on the terrace; in my mind I smiled and in my heart there was a slight pain; looking away I could feel the loneliness surround my every nerve.

I knew I needed the air so I walked onto the terrace; the view was amazing; the lights of Christmas could be seen this far up; the town called to me and at 9700 feet I felt that I might fly.

In the background I could hear people chattering and the music playing softly; my heart started looking forward to the promise of dancing. The muse inside my head spiraled with thoughts that could not yet be placed on paper and I turned to see a pair of lovers kiss.

My stomach lurched yet again and I turned to walk away wanting to cry knowing not how long Charles would be stuck where he was.

I longed so much to know this man who had befriended me so quickly; my mind wondered on and on about what he would be like.

My attention turned toward the crowd that was filing into the other massive ballroom and I followed. My friend had followed me and hugged me deep enough to make my heart smile if only just for a moment. I set my empty glass down and a server took it thanking me and complimenting my dress.

I smiled and thanked her in return then turned my focus on the presentation.

I started feeling warmth seeping into my skin and I tried to ignore it until I felt my neck, face and head start itching. I turned to my friend who was standing next to me and excused myself telling her that I needed some cool air and a glass of water.

I politely left the ballroom and headed for the water and a restroom. As I found the water the assistant director of housekeeping found me. I felt myself getting hotter and I politely excused myself once again.

I found the ladies restroom and washed the makeup off my face and neck with cold water; suddenly my throat starred hurting and I felt like I wasn't breathing as I should be.

I drank more of my water to ease the pain in my throat but had no success.

I started feeling dizzy enough that I knew I had to find a place to sit down; leaving the restroom and my glass of water behind I went in search of seating. I remember finding a place to sit and asked a friend for help. She found one of our security guards who then took me to the security office.

When we arrived, the security officer had me sit down; I felt myself shaking from fear and cold all at once; my throat was hurting and even though my body felt cold my skin felt on fire and itched like a mosquito bite in July. I could hear voices around me but I was focused on breathing; slow short breaths; somebody said something to me; I popped out of my concentration.

I remember my friend; Jordan; the original security guard who assisted me at the first talking to me, keeping me calm.

I closed my eyes again; I felt overcome with sadness, my breath was becoming shorter; my fear was growing deeper; my heartbeat was abnormal.

I felt light hit my face and felt myself begin to let go; my spirit started detaching itself from my body and I was inclined and content on letting go, yet, a single strand of stubbornness kept a hold if only for a though in time.

The last strand of stubborn spirit had me feeling a hand upon my arm and hearing the phrase "stay with me; you're going to be okay."

My spirit returned to my body and I opened my eyes to see Jordan smiling at me. I could not help but think of how big his smile was in the past as I handed him my secret hot chocolate recipe; as his smile sank in it then triggered the thought of my children and I knew I could not allow myself to leave this world until my task was complete, whatever the reason, whatever the cost.

The EMT team had arrived and arrived and been updated on the situation. They had prepared a Benadryl shot, an epi pen and a air mask just in case. They had put he air mask around my face to help me breathe better then they had given me the shots starting with the epi pen.

The epi pen had given me an adrenaline rush like nothing else; I could feel myself shaking even more now than I had from my fear; they waited and watched as the allergic reaction slowly faded into the background. Twenty minutes later they gave me the benadryll shot to help calm me better.

After another twenty minutes they decided to take me to the hospital overnight for observation. I told them I was strong enough to walk and tried to stand only to fail miserably; I tried again but to no avail. After the fifth or sixth time trying to stand on my own Jordan told the EMT to bring in the stretcher.

Jordan told the EMT that my stubbornness would get me killed one day; I heard the EMT laugh and comment on how calm I had been throughout the entire ordeal. I did not hear the rest of the conversation due to the noise of getting me onto the stretcher.

I could still feel myself shaking; my heart was pounding to the point of no return; my fear was turning my mind into a bleak mass of terror.

Jordans' smile kept me in the light long enough for the EMT to get me into the emergency truck for the ride down the mountain to the hospital.

I drifted in and out of sleep; for the first time in so long the nightmares had returned to haunt me. At first I was in a beautiful field with flowers; it smelled so real; a man was walking toward me with open arms; love radiating from his heart, mind, and soul.

Then suddenly I am standing on a cliff with a rope around my neck and boils covering my body; the pain was all too familiar; in the background I could hear him pleading to the ones causing me pain to stop.

I awoke to the jolt of a sudden stop; my trip had ended at the doors to the emergency room. The EMT had started to pull me out of the vehicle and into the building.

The nurse asked so many questions that were required to be asked and had me fill out the paperwork. After all was said and done they had me take a benadryll pill and drink a glass of water to lake sure all was well.

The nurse had called my sister; my sister had requested to speak with me about the situation. After I had talked with her about it we hung up as I decided that I would call her after I was released. I could hear in her voice that she was skeptical about the incident and later found out that my instincts were right.

I spent the night alone in that room; cold, tired of everything that had happened in the past three years. My strand of bad luck had to end somewhere and I prayed that this was it.

I wondered why I was being put through all this and I thought about how the night could have gone if I just hadn't gone as I originally planned.

An hour passed and the nurse returned to check on me once more; he asked me if I needed anything and all I asked for was water even though my stomach was muttering a massive growl. The nurse offered to get me something to eat but I politely said "no thank you." he smiled and left the room.

I slipped back into the darkness; The man I came to hold dear in the background pleading for me not to be harmed; suddenly fire engulfs me; pain surrounds the whole of me and I feel the burn of acidic hands upon my face. A voice comes out of the black saying "now my lady you are mine." I feel myself falling and with a quick jerk the rope tightens; I struggle only to make the rope tighter around my neck. I slip into the fear and depression; I feel myself drifting into time and space; my eyes close and I sit up fast in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

I looked around finding that I was still alone but two hours had passed; I sensed a strange yet familiar mist hovering in the air above me and I knew that he once again almost had me twice now.

The nurse came in and asked me if was alright; he said my heartbeat had gone up enough to cause worry, when I was sleeping. "just an old wound" I replied "kind of caused an issue but I'm okay now; thank you."

He looked me in the eye and I smiled the best smile I could muster; after about ten minutes the doctor came in and released me.

I then called my sister and she came to get me. In the days that followed many asked what had happened and if I was alright. I just smiled as I always do and said "never been better; I'm stronger than you think."

But in my mind I was still overwhelmed with sadness, fear, depression, and too much pain. But I could not allow them to know that. So my fake smile is kept to hide the shame; for knowing that I nearly gave into nebulous; it places doubt about who I am and all I stand for.

Summertime Soiree

This was the first summer I could truly remember; it was bright and me being the kid I was; the day was so much more beautiful. I was anxious to hear that annoying bell ring, the suspense seemed to lurk inside slowly draining my very soul.

Second after second the clock ticked away. The other kids in my class were growing as excited as I was. My friends behind me started giggling uncontrollably.

I glanced behind me to see my friend Jason making faces at the teacher as she turned he back to write on the chalkboard. I myself could not help but start giggling which in turn mad the rest of the class start laughing.

The teacher turned around and looked at us with indifference. Her stare pierced through us; Leaving us to feel as if we were a unworthy opponent.

Finally the time had come; the bell rang; that annoying high pitched sound that rattled through the entire school. I could see my fellow students trample through the school like a herd of wild animals. I worked my way frantically to the nearest exit and proceeded to wait for Jason and the others we walked home with.

Once we gathered our group we started on our way home. As we progressed the school bully zoomed passed us on his bike almost knocking me down. I heard Jason yell something at him and watched as he chased him down the hill.

My group and I kept walking knowing that we would find him at the bottom of the hill with the bully on the ground crying for his mommy.

As we neared the subdivisions of homes I watched as my friends slowly went to their houses; leaving Jason and I to finish up our route until we found our houses.

We made plans to meet later that night and went our separate ways.

I walked into my house to find my sisters excitement overwhelming the very whole of me.

I smiled, grabbed a tuna fish sandwich mom had made for an after school snack and walked to my bedroom to watch the time pass without end.

Finally after what seemed forever a knock came at my door and voices begging me to play. My mother called for me and I ran like hell toward my time outside.

That first summer we played well into the night with our parents out watching us. Oh the fun we had; enjoyment at its finest; and a neighborhood pizza party with the parents pitching in.

That was the first summer I remember; times of joy; times of hope; times of endless summer fun.

Flight of spring

By: Jessica Taylor

The seasons come and go and with each one my heart flies; for the changing bring promise of beauty within each their own.

Summers warmth upon my face; the children flying by like a flash of laughter from a hidden angel; the barbecues out at an uncles house. Swim suits, water fights, and pure happiness make a great mixture for an amazing day.

Then going to autumns grace; leaves begin to change and days cool down some. Of course in my family we have the barbecues until the snow starts to fly; then there are the harvests, the parties and of course Halloween.

Ah winter; the frozen wastes if what had once been. The trees dusted with the snow; the joy of no school days; and how I feel at the snow falling for the very first time each winter. Then of course snow men, hot chocolate, Christmas, new years resolutions and St. Valentines Day.

But, at the end of all of that I find more glory in the renewal of life; the kind that only spring brings. The budding of flower, the return if the grass, the melting of the snow, and the start of gardens. Easter rainbows, flowing spring dresses, and fun sexy little me. How can I resist the coming of spring.

Maybe it was the simple beauty of life renewed, or the time was just right for my lilacs to take to bloom, then again I already knew why spring was my season; it was then I learned how to fly.

I remember as if it were yesterday; how bottled up I had been; how I felt so small and insignificant: how nothing made sense; how life walked all over me.

The trepidation of who I was becoming sank in; running deep within my veins; dripping from every pore on my body. I didn't want that; I could not stomach it.

Then out of the blue on a beautiful spring day words were sung with content, grace, and lasting light. He was amazing; defying gods and men; being born of warmth and hope saving me with every ounce of his whole.

Into him I placed my hopes, my dreams, my all.... And though i knew he would sacrifice my heart to find the one he once lost to distrust I still fell hard. Never giving up on the hope that he would be mine.

But alas my hope had failed in mine eyes once again; it mattered not for he taught me how to fly and in the course of a month in spring by learning to fly so was my soul reborn.