The Spiders and the Ants

The spiders and the ants

Are both abundant in my living space

And both of them are trying

To let me see the truths

That I’ve been too afraid

To even think to face

No no the spiders and the ants are menaces

They just want to erase

My sense of solubility

My security in this place

No no the spiders and the ants are nothing but good news

They want me to be part of their team

To win and not to lose

To work and not to use

If only I believed that

But what can I even lose

No no no the spiders and the ants

All they wanna do is bite me in the ass

All I wanna do is rid my home of them

Before they infiltrate and overtake my den

Before they rob me of my youth and independent death

They rob of me of my self control my self love and my self

Myself who wants to ride around until the music stops

It stops and then it starts again is what I tell myself

Myself who doesn’t even think about the consequence

The consequence won’t come just yet is what I tell myself

I tell myself it isn’t time so just enjoy the day

The final day before it comes so just enjoy your stay

And stay awhile longer in the golden hammock threads

The ones that take away your pain and take away your sense

And stay awhile longer in the sunset tiki bar

Where no one can arrest your mind or persecute your heart

So stay awhile longer while the spiders and the ants

Are creeping up along the wires and crawling through the cracks

As long as they’re outside my view

My view of the ballroom floor

Then maybe we can enjoy this dance

Before they crawl any more

And maybe we’ll enjoy this dance

But they’ll get to the door

But we’ll still have enjoyed the dance

Won’t that matter anymore

When they start to pour into the room

Like an exoskeleton flood

Like an exoskeleton cry for help

Like an exoskeleton dud

A dud like my life when it ends in this room

Drowned by bugs on the ballroom floor

If the spiders and the ants wanted me to lose

Then they couldn’t have won any more

They couldn’t have lost when they snuck up on me

You can’t blame me

Just look at their size

It’s not fairly

I can barely

Even see them

This whole thing was rigged

From the start I knew it

I knew

Things would end up this way

Broken like a silver mirror

Smashed in the heat of a lie

Smashed like I should’ve done to these spiders and ants

How I wish I could make them die

How I wish I could go back and do it again

And take back what was rightfully mine

Take back what I did to go down on this path

And just hope I don’t take it again

If the spiders and the ants would just give me a chance

Just one more

Then I know I could win

Then I know I could somehow rewrite the truth

Somehow rewrite the person I am

The new person won’t hate the spiders and ants

The new person won’t follow sin

Just please let me pray to the spiders and the ants

Just let the new person exist

I’m begging you here as you swallow me

I’m begging you here as I drown

I’m begging you and you don’t even respond

Even when you’re all around

I guess this is it

This will be how I die

Becoming a living ocean’s food

Insects that don’t respect me

Arachnids that never would

Never would even consider my tears

Or even consider my fear

My fear that controlled me

That led me here

Huh

I guess it led me here

And the spiders and the ants

They just wanted to help

They just didn’t know of my fear

They just didn’t know what I thought of them

What I thought then has no meaning here

Here and now when things have changed

When the spiders and the ants have come out

Their sea doesn’t seem to swallow me

The way I thought I had it all figured out

I thought I knew what they wanted

What they wanted my fate to be

But I’m the one who determines my fate

Who determines my destiny

I don’t know what I’m gonna do

Or who I’ve yet to meet

I don’t know what I’m gonna make

Or what I’ve yet to see

But I know I’ll never have to live in fear

Of losing my last dance

Because I have a brand new team

The spiders and the ants