The Orphan

How else am I supposed to feel

How else am I supposed to be

Can I really appreaciate the people who left me in the cold

At least in my heart and mentally

All I needed was a hug sometimes

All I needed was some love

Because family has to do more than just provide a roof over your head

What about the bonding

What happened to teaching etiqutte

I don't want to bring shame

And yet I have in vain with the mention of a name

In truth I'd rather be an orphan

I'd rather never know how many times I was abandoned

Especially when all I ever wanted to do was help

So why couldn't they just tell me

Why was I never allowed to have any fun

Why couldn't anyone see a young little girl who really just needed some love

Sure I suppose giving me money and stealing it was the best kind of love

Punching, choking, and slapping was better than talking and saying what the problem really was

I can't seem to get over this feeling with a kid of my own

I've never been able to perform under pressure

I guess that's why now I can't get any love

Maybe the truth is that I just wasn't tough enough

When really I just wanted to stay out of trouble

I was told to mind my business and so that's what I did

Apparently today it makes me a narcissist

For focusing on myself instead of assuming and making stuff up

Digging deep into my brain now

I think I need an exorcist

Maybe even a hypnotist

I don’t want to remember the pain anymore

I don’t want to keep going through this

I want my child to have a better fate

I just don’t feel strong enough to teach him through it