The One That Got Away

The one that got away.....

So tired of the same results. Putting all my energy into these men, it hurts. To see them always walk away. Leaving me in the dust alone. Maybe there's another way. Maybe my heart's way too big for their cage. Maybe I need a way to keep my heart contained. Keep things to myself, don't let my feelings get in the way. Be more heartless. Keep my tears locked away. Stop giving all this energy to the ones who's energy ain't the same. Gotta look in the mirror at myself and say "do you really think you'll ever love the same way?"

I gotta be smarter in the people I choose. I gotta choose the right or wrong things to say around you. Don't let all my feelings out at once. Make em' wait for it so that I know they want me for real love. Not just to make themselves feel loved and save none for someone new. Only time will tell who Yah will choose. To be the one I'm with forever and I'll never lose. The person who will never break my heart or will never refuse. All these cherished feelings I store inside. Understand they way that I think and why.

I'm fighting this urge to hit you up. I wanna tell you I miss you and that I hate that you fucked up. I miss seeing you smile and call me beautiful. I miss hearing your accent and the way that you talk. I wanna tell you how my day went and take you for a walk. Down my road so you can understand my feelings. The reason why I’m in pain and and why I’ve said these things.

I love how all of these guys taught me something new. Rather if it’s to love myself or to be more patient with you. Or how to tell when a guy just ain’t really into you. But it’s aight tho, I’m cool. I understand now what I gotta say and what I gotta do. Focus on me, my craft, and my family too. The three things that’s been my day ones and never switched up for a day or two. Never hyu when it was beneficial for them or when they wanted to fuck. Never lead me astray or made me think their in love. Never listened to my problems and not reciprocated. Or do the little shit they know makes me irritated. Won’t have me saying “I miss you” just to say “I know”. Or to say “I love you” after only a month. I gotta stop my mind from looking in the back, and look towards the front. Take a minute and admire what’s in front of you. Maybe give a guy around a chance to arouse you. Cause long distance only leaves my heart with stitches. And with the reality that to you, I’m non existent. The only good thing is that your easily erased. With a block, skip, delete, your no longer my mistake. But even though your outta my phone, your not outta my mind.

I’ll always remember those good and bad times . So to all the boys I’ve loved before, i say thank you.You can sleep on me now, but later you’ll regret that too. And I’ll never forget my daddy lessons and the things he’d say.

Love, a queen in the making and the one that got away.❤️