Mother’s Day

A day that’s supposed to be about love and appreciation instead fills my mind with anxiety. Wondering what kind of gift to buy and if it will deliver in time is just too stressful entirely. “You didn’t ask me what I wanted” or “ You didn’t tell me Happy Mothers Day” haunts me. This pagan holiday is far too much than it’s gotta be. I can’t speak for all moms, but mine is only lovingly when you’re doing things financially. Her self worth is determined by a swipe of a card instead of the way you treat her when times are hard. Doesn’t matter if you always gave a shoulder to cry on or was always a person that she could rely on. If you didn’t get her what she wanted on Mother’s Day, you were treated as a disappointment who never appreciated her anyway. What’s even the point if in the end I get burned? A mothers love should never have to be earned. I didn’t ask to be here, I owe you nothing. Yet I’m jumping through hoops hoping you’d feel something. Through all the endless tears, I’ve chosen to forgive. Yet you remain the same in the way you live. No growing, accountability, or self awareness in sight. But I dare bring a late Mother’s Day gift and it becomes a fight.

Participating in this pagan holiday is a choice, there should be no obligations. Yet you speak with anger and pride of all your expectations. Months worth of progress on this mother-daughter relationship all ruined in an instant for a demonic holiday that has led us to be distant. I’m not the type to show my love through the gifts that I give you. I’m the type to wipe away your tears from the pain that you’ve been through. I won’t give you what you want, but I’ll do my best to give you what you need.

No, I won’t say “Happy Mothers Day”, but I will love you with all of me till your last day.