The Man Who Stopped Eating

I knew a man who stopped eating,

or nearly.

He puts on a courageous face,

hiding behind gestures and grace,

a true romantic at heart.

Yet he don't fit in the term smart

and small towns don’t fulfill the heart of a dreamer.

He spent days working to get leaner.

It was like time flew by,

he raced through his 20s and 30s overnight,

no woman’s love to stay,

just him at home at the end of the day,

but you won’t see that on his face.

I knew a man who tried to stay in control.

He juiced durians, apples and mangos.

A soulful conscious being

but self-conscious over the little things.

It was smoothies and juices all morning,

and nighttime binge eating over the lonely

feelings that dwelled in his mind.

His past took over his life

and he felt past lovers in his arms.

There’s visible self harm

and others unseen with our eyes.

For a while he was mine

until his pain made me cry.

I knew a man who needed help.

He reached for affection but few could tell

that he was lonely most of the time.

He looked fine.

Emotions hide behind a strong presence,

he preached more than he learned lessons

and needed all the world's love,

no one is always fearless and tough.

But when mind, body and soul are intertwined,

you can eat so much and feel so alive

you live like you’ve got nothing to lose.

Slow down, spare a minute or two.

I knew a man who stopped eating, you do too.

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Author's Note:

I'm not the feminist you had in mind.

I once asked my friend why we use the word, feminism, to describe equity for both men and women. Doesn't the word imply for women only? She told me that using the word pays respect to the women who fought for our rights. "That's why we continue to use it." Yet, I don't enjoy using the word myself because it seems one-sided. We can be more inclusive than that.

This poem was inspired by my ex-boyfriend, who struggled with his self-esteem, his definition of masculinity, and having a sense of purpose. Toward the end of the relationship, I could no longer be there for him because he began to hurt me. Yet, I remembered his unspoken struggles like a secret. What a shame it was, for me to stay so quiet about struggles that were so loud.

We cannot reach a point of equity between men and women if we do not acknowledge everyone's struggles. The struggles can be visible, invisible, short-term, long-term, minor, and/or fatal. If you know a man who "stopped eating," you have the capacity to hold space for them. You can start that today.

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