The Lie I Keep Telling Myself

A little smile and I start to fall

Try to catch myself

Because I've been here before

You tell me how beautiful I am

And I start to make

More of an effort

.

One date, that's all

Where's the danger to my heart in that?

I notice little differences

You're standing closer

You're more enthusiastic

Could you care, even a little more

Than those who came before?

Was that disappointment I saw

When you thought I might not ride with you?

Was it really about me going

Or did you just not want to be alone?

Truth is, I thought it was me

And I enjoyed the extra time

To talk, just the two of us

.

A little flirting over text

I wonder what's next

Things are kind of crazy

Both of us getting so busy

Between our jobs, school

Hobbies and passions

But we'll see if we can make

Something happen

.

Maybe it wasn't a lie

Maybe you said yes

Just to be nice

I got what you thought I wanted

Your obligation to me fulfilled

Now I'm left here watching you

Watching her

Talking, laughing, joking

While I barely get

A look if I'm lucky

.

I can't help but feel

A little used

A little hurt

A little tired of always

Staring at people's backs

As they walk away

Not knowing if I

Should run or stay

Stay where I am because to me it's clear

You're not really into me the way

I'm into you

.

You said I was beautiful

But am I just not pretty enough?

Did I not talk about myself enough?

Did I talk too much?

Am I bland, uninteresting?

Am I too weird?

Was it my lack of confidence?

Was I too forward?

Am I reading too much into this?

Am I giving you too much credit?

Is it worth it to keep trying?

Is it too early to give up?

.

The ball is in your court

But do you even see it?

Do you even want

To play this game with me?

Don't want to push too much

Don't want to give too little effort

But when is it too much?

When is it not enough?

.

You'd think I'd have a handle on this

Have some kind of of answer

But the truth is

I've been confident before

Only to find

What I had hoped was true

Was just the same lie

I keep telling myself