The Ghosts of Pride; Belonging's Silent Pain.

The Fear:

Every time it comes to this, I stop.

I give in, to giving up.

I let myself down, by letting go.

Life's lessons, have me confused.

I might appear, to be mighty slow.

I try to hide, my truth, abused.

Trial & Error:

I tried to listen to the gospel.

I did everything they said.

I destroyed my own divinity.

I locked myself up; broke bread.

I lied and cheated,

just to survive and stay seated.

When the pain in my body,

was what should have been said.

Conformity:

For years, I put myself in a box.

That box was so small and tight.

In that box lived self-hatred and me.

That box was just a prison.

That prison did not feed me.

That prison starved me but, skin and bones.

That prison did not nurture.

That prison did not clothe me.

That prison left me exposed and nude.

Its walls; layered with sharp points.

Its points were swift and cut deep.

For years, there was no escape in sight.

Black Whole Heart:

The emptiness was all that I felt.

A bleak, unfillable void.

I tried filling it with anything,

anything that I could find.

Cutting, smoking, numbing, screaming, but,

the void was starting to grow.

It was as if the void consumed them.

Desperate, lonely, and unsure.

I lost connection with my true self,

Many, many years ago.

Beyond the void, lay a hidden shelf,

I knew there was something more!

From beyond the void, in my prison,

a child's voice cried, settle the score!

Queen:

As I allowed space for her presence,

I released her from the void.

I tried safely minding her essence,

and yet, I found her annoyed.

Terrified by her power and strength;

her will could not be destroyed.

A woman like this has immeasurable length.

A woman like this, many avoid.

This world was not ready,

by the world's word's, would be exposed.

Yet, she deserves peace, amongst chaos;

feel love, comfort, warmth; clothed.

The Throne:

As she began to explore the new,

she expected to find home.

Systems will give me something to do,

or else that means, I'm alone.

It's not like I'm asking for a coup,

it's acceptance, asked in stone.

She thought she'd find her family, friends; crew.

There's no return, from whence thrown.

The Hallows:

As pride festivals come and pass her,

She feels pressure, loneliness,

Where's my happily ever after?

Stonewall fought for homeliness!

Time I build my home; paint and plaster!

True me, frees my onliness.

Illuminating Elucidation:

She thought to herself, what's my message?

Our place on this vast planet,

it's what we make it, it's our vestige.

Trust process, feel the gamut.

When you fall, remember this passage.

This is your only life, love.

Show your truth, make space, take advantage.

Make anything from thereof,

make something pretty from the damage.

Make your place to live your truth.

Make room for yourself, we can manage!

You, making room, is you, living proof!

It is your life-given right,

while you're still on this planet!