The Favor

You asked a favor.

You see, I've never been good at goodbyes.

They feel... inauthentic..

Disingenuous.

And at times.. awkward.

Because most of the time, at least one person has to pretend.

Pretend the pain isn't as great.

Pretend it doesn't bother them.

Pretend it's all okay.

Pretend.

But you asked a favor.

That favor on the day I got the call.

The one that we knew was coming long ago, but buried our heads in the sand.

Below the buckets of hope that distance and temporary silence could heal the wounds just enough so we could be in one another's lives in the smallest capacity.

The hope that one day.

Down the line.

We would be able to check-in with one another.

See how we're doing.

Possibly run into each other.

It's funny how the gut knows and the mind battles.

You called.

And it was the call stating that hope wasn't feasible.

That just the possibility I could reach out.

Just the simplest hello.

The knowledge that our connection could be at the grasp of your fingertips.

A mere phone call away from provisional bliss.

From passionate love.

That feeling where two people become one.

Where time stops.

Worries fade.

Where everything we knew about who we were melts.

When the remains of our melted facade reveals the pure core that intricately interlaces with another's.

Utter presence.

Peaceful moments.

Complete transparency.

Addictive vulnerability.

It was too much.

I got the phone call.

You're moving and changing your number.

And you need know we will never speak again.

We will never see or touch or hold one another again.

A forever goodbye.

I told you..

I don't do goodbyes.

But you asked that favor.

You said if you didn't hear me say it, you'll always have hope.

So I said the words that left the lips that felt foreign.

Goodbye.