The Butterfly Effect

i bought a house

i looked at it beforehand

researched it

spent time thinking

and know that it fits perfectly

ive planted flowers and made a garden

ive painted walls and fixed the plumbing

ive fixed the windows and cooked many meals

ive made memories in this house

every day i come home to comfort

safety and solace

i love the house

that i care for and it cares for me

but

there is another house

that is bigger and sturdier

with a more luscious garden

and a thicker roof

that ive passed by every day

for years

ive known about this house

and

how it perfectly fits

and sometimes i wonder

if i bought the new house too fast

if i should have waited

or

what it would be like to live

in that other house

what kind of memories

i could have made

if i never bought the first house

what kind of flowers i wouldve planted

what kind of garden

and what color walls

what kind of food

how many memories

sometimes i pass that house and wonder

how much i could have loved that house

from the inside and out

but

knowing that i never can

so

i take different routes

to avoid the house ive never bought

to completely ignore

its memories that never have been

because

sometimes i want my house now

to have a bigger garden

and a thicker roof

but

every so often ill pass by

to spark those thoughts again

to try to peek in the windows

and contrive nonexistent stories

and unprecedented memories

but

the windows have become broken

the weeds overgrown

the roof decaying

the walls falling

so

ive stopped thinking

about the thick smell of meals

or the outcome of a garden

inside that house

knowing that i couldve been the one

to live those memories

because

i bought my own house

and i love my house

that i care for and it cares for me