The Blackhole Heart

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I’m just trying to get through, I'm trying my best, but sometimes I have to be ugly to be sane. In the best form that words can express I feel as though my soul is caged within expectations and narrowed options. I think about leaving this incarnation rather often.

I don't know where I'm meant to be, but I know there are earthly voices screaming at me which signs to follow…

I don't want to be dependent on a path created by an archaic belief system which has mutated, and metastasized into the divide of humans, using a monetary form to dehumanize and exploit the vulnerable.

I'm living for others ultimately, and maybe I'm just a figure to represent an idealized happiness in the eyes of some. The profound weight of suffering souls rests on my chest, I keep breathing because once I decay the gravity of humanity's pain will inevitably become a sinkhole, much like the theorized nature of the black hole, of course only for the purpose of an abstract string of words here. At least this is my truth to the depths of my internal sea. There are those who have inflicted horrendous acts upon me and through life it has translated to my mind and on my skin. Often I question “why must I live within this burden?” Some try to comfort me with the mindset of "it's a gift in disguise" . I'm certain that these heinous acts that people go through are far from a blessing, denying reality only masks it temporarily, or ignores it completely, it is rather counterproductive . There are horrendous acts everywhere, and while some are still laughing on their way to the bank…

I still know my privilege despite how unbelievably fucked up my life is...it's a hard pill to swallow that this is the world, yet everyone turns a blind eye. Afterall I'm just as guilty as I turn a blind eye from my soul, I just look away, and lately it feels like I might not ever be able to fully see myself again. So I'll just write about it, get it out, remind myself that I'm still in here, even when my waking mind is turned away.

Regards World,

Me