Absentee

It’s you again...

The very reminder of who created all of this.

It's you who gave me the greatest gift, yet it's you who is the greatest threat on that comfort and safety.

They say that it’s all insane, but when you say my name, or address my flourishing world in your notes they turn and run away.

They know what has been done, yet you keep your tongue more lethal than a gun...

You still echo in the chamber of blood however. I want you to remain on the other side, you created a foundation of your life around hating me for the bed you built for yourself.

There is an incredible measurement of fear written in your history, the history in which I fought a great war in,

The white noise among silence now replaces the pain of your hollow ghostly melody.

I no longer cry, instead I'm busy building up these elaborate walls and towers, so you can't even see the possibility of crossing that barrier.

A network grew and divided like a biological cell, they made the decision to contribute each brick in those walls...

Your contribution has only been this; A simple gesture combined with apathy in a lifetime of tragedy.

As I have said before, you have given me the greatest gift, and in turn you continue that legacy of the gift giving by your absence.

Now you want to take that all back with a simple message stating you changed your mind like it was ever a choice you had; it was, but you made that decision a long time ago.

It's been almost a decade later, and you somehow think you have a seat in this house I made.

You will remain outside,

In the snow, sun, rain...whether the weather is cold, hot, or in between.

You chose to walk the other way, knocking at my door, you cry your alligator tears. I never once told you what direction to walk, you never said a word, you just found another way.

This isn’t revenge, I have no need to care for such, it’s about safety and the things you won't admit, it's that you burn down vulnerable populations with your destructive body, I can never let you in.

It's the protection of an innocent heart. I don't say a word, but this heart has no recollection or care, this heart is too beautiful for you to even bear.

I know some may have their opinions based on distorted words, no one had ever asked me a single thing. Just hear say and that is all they know, I'm flourishing in your shade, it keeps me from burning after heavy rains.

I didn’t need to explain, I didn't say a thing. I never wanted sick validation to feign sane. I know I'm far from perfect, but I took all the blame.

You still cry wolf,

I knew my mistakes,

I have admitted these things, took shot to the face.

Still you announce your pain, over the milk you poured all over the floor,

A ‘mistake’ is not something you have ill intention for

You used your body as a weapon, and those marks healed from the skin,

Yet my heart is scarred, but it is only utilized as a reminder to keep the vulnerable safe,

My love for this blessing is everything, and I will never risk that chance of any “mistake” that you have made,

We don't deserve your weaponized body, or your dagger tongue. I refuse to bleed for you.

The ones who you whisper your poisonous words into don’t know the truth. I don't need those infected brains spreading into my home, I will remain infamous.

Did you know? A family of elephants surround their young with the strong adults from any harm?

As the elephants we gather around from you.

You never knew me, and you never will...I don't want you to know me, because in your intent my truth will all be twisted into an excuse, like a firearm, it will be threatened as the means for sympathy.