The Affair

Here we sit in the corner booth where the lighting is so dim

I can barely see the food on my plate.

We’re out on a date but we’re in hiding as usual

Hiding from her

Hiding from him

We both have so much to lose and yet here we sit trying to hold on

To each other without losing the others.

It’s selfish and disgraceful the way we lie about our whereabouts

And how we’ve coaxed our friends into covering up for us

When our spouses ask questions.

Denial is a hell of a drug

And I swear they know their intuitions speak truths

But who wants to believe the one they love could be loving someone else?

Sometimes on my drive home from these hideaway dates

I imagine myself walking into our house

And telling him where I’ve been & who I’ve been with.

I imagine the look on his face when I’m done confessing

And how he’ll get enraged then sad and enraged again.

I’ll feel bad for his sadness but annoyed by his madness

And my arrogance will have me saying things like

“You should have seen this coming”

Even though I didn’t see it coming myself.

In order to save myself from the drama

I go home, take a shower to wash my secrets off me

And climb into the bed I share with a man I feel nothing for

To begin again tomorrow with the same lies I told today.