Tempest

My battles have turned to a raging war

And yet I sleep and slumber even more

Piles of work, by me, yet to be done

And my neighbours can hear me at 3am when I snore

I said "I want to change" 100 times but never did

I prayed and wished and backslid

I listen to advice, forgetting my ear is a tunnel

End to end, nothing stored

Even my childhood dreams have become blurred

My childhood nightmares born

Distant from family, like a distant relative

I could pick up the phone and call, but I won't

Relative

You see I am the author of my problems

I wear my selfhate and overthoughts like an emblem

I blame myself a little too much but shouldn't it be?

I drove into this and now I feel lost at sea

Relationship with everyone close to me is like a leftover food

Turning sour and it seems like I am mending broken glasses with glue

Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?

This sea is too deep and I sink and float to only sink again

Stuck at the devil's bridge of this painting

In love with inner pain and self hostility

Where is change and how can I find her ?

Is she alive or dead? do I have to run after her?

Where is healing and why doesn't she respond to texts?

Where is self-love and why isn't she here yet?

Where is God and why doesn't he...?

I just can't take it anymore inside

I should have reached out more but I guess I am at fault

But if this sea swallows me with its growing roar

I hope my family and friends know I fought till my last breath

I hope I don't get to meet her soon...her, death.