Sunrise

Comfort once was walking behind as his shadow,

one his grandparents would remark upon when absent

It was sitting in the passenger seat of a blue Ford Focus in silence on a Sunday night as rain streaked across the windows, the pit in my stomach of course attributable to love for he would only be irritated he had to drive me home because he cared that I worked towards my license

It was cleaning a room that was never, to a mumbled thanks,

giving all of my young self and worth,

loving perhaps for the sake of saying I was, standing by desperate until the day he would open his eyes and see me as one who could push dark clouds away

It was hours of tension, never talking, wiping tears from the bridge of his nose

Comfort was yearning for closeness and intimacy only to be pushed away, only for me to surge back because surely my care could fix and if I were only better at caring, loving, everything would be solved

Comfort stuck in thinking I’d quickly settle down to kids,

follow the predetermined North American dream

It was feeling alone, a soloist in what you learn is supposed to be a duet

Finally feeling after it was long over that freedom was the greatest gift he could grant

It was thinking I knew what love was

It is now knowing that I don't,

and the thrill of finding it out

Comfort now lies in gentle, calloused hands that touch tenderly

in the presence of shoulders that carry a laughing me into another room just for the sake of hearing the sound and seeing the smile it brings

It lives in moments of silence, goofy grins when eyes lock unexpectedly

Comfort rests in the knowing that I can be who I want to be, and he, too

It is sitting next to the knee-bobbing foot-tapper in the car during the summertime as the music soars and our hands are touching,

hearing thanks for the smallest thing, an action done out of habit, expressing gratitude for every moment

It is waking up to the unexpected delight of empty garbage and recycling bins on a morning I'd silently dreaded doing it

It is sharing goals and values,

bushwhacking our own paths as opposed to following the paved

Comfort nestles in the crook between his neck and shoulder,

speaking softly about the future, sharing thoughts and savoring, the sound of the other’s voice

Comfort is sharing closeness and vulnerability, creating space,

maintaining individuality, taking care of oneself, for loving from a full heart is a simple and beautiful thing

It is walking beside him

Past comfort’s family saw a shadow

Today's will see a sun