Stasis of Resilience and Waiting

As it stands I can no longer dwindle in the abyssal psychosis of my headspace

It’s becoming slowly apparent that I am a dismembered essence

With parts strewn through space by some variations of propulsion and impulse

Infant legs kicking without permission

My toes are locked in a mud puddle when I was 7

Arms from 11th grade track in a sprinter’s position

Head pushed tightly against the surface of a washing machine

Forced into unconsented submission

This perpetual inertia that I so readily embraced

But now those rocking sensations have subsided into a riptide

That has swept me out from the shore into open water

I road the waves of adventure and displacement

And many a moment of dismay

with little hesitation

The reward is a tepid, salty residue

Much like the aftertaste, the after-thought

An arrival past a designated curfew

A sour response followed by a scrunched up face

Post consumption; an irritated grumble

Helping a drunk person as they begin to stumble

As things start to settle and the sun has sufficiently burnt my flesh

Floating adrift with no direction, motive, or quest

I start to question not necessarily how, but the why

Why do we do, Why did I do, Why am I missing

Why would anyone miss me?

Drawing the lights to their dimmest exposure

I sit and crumble

I wait, I get up and wait. I wait while walking.

I wait while waking, breathing, and sleeping.

I am always waiting.

Get out of here, get, get, get OUT OF HERE

get home, get yourself dressed

Get up, get sober, get, get your hair fixed

Get in the shower, get your pussy clean,

Get ready for mother, get, get going to mass,

Go on, get to church and get ready to confess

Dreams don’t come to those who’re waiting

And I know they could come if only I wasn’t faking

For fuck’s sake sleep you freak!

Count some god damn sheep

Stop making excuses

Laying around not making a sound

Not a peep, just a creep

A depressed freak who can’t seem to sleep

I will not disclose what has been done

These are human encounters

They happen to everyone

I am not special, unique, or even remotely uncommon

And that’s exactly why humanity is an inescapable problem