sometime, in july

She spoke encouragement to everyone else but herself

She led herself to believe that she wasn’t worthy of her own love Things couldn’t be fixed alone she held her soul back in seas of blues and greys Her heart felt hardened to her and she drifted on a lifeboat with no way back to shore And that dreams were meant for others since everyone else deserved happiness but her She felt the weight pulling her down the world echoing loudly in her ears and her Shoulders hung low and heavy her heart torn into pieces by only her own insecurity Beaten down for far too long whipped into submission she lost the battle to herself She lost her hopes among the stars she buried those dreams in loose rocky soil No longer able to see how brightly they burned even in the dirt she laid above them but They seemed to burn to her they went up in a flash of smoke and flames and Were dull and muted amongst the box she held them trapped within The blackened skies and she felt rain pound into her body leaving her there in the mud Like she was drifting downwards she couldn’t shake the loss of someone so precious Where the lake bottoms would swallow anything she could possibly hold dear [the baby] Her up with one big gulp and that suddenly the box of the letters and memoirs she wrote She couldn’t find her way on the path even though she barely walked twenty feet to graves When the moon and stars did not shine the trees blocked her view from the rest of the world