Something I should have said years ago

I miss you.

I miss you more than I think I've ever missed anything in my life.

I miss you more than there are stars in the sky,

or grains of sand on all the beaches.

I miss you more than I love my cigarettes.

I miss you more than I miss my favorite book than I dropped into a pond last month.

I miss you more than you can even begin to imagine,

and I will continue to miss you until the day that I die,

and I feel like that day will be soon.

I miss you more than you know; more than I know.

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you.

I want you lying here next to me in the grass in the middle of my favorite park staring up at the sky full of stars.

I saw my first shooting star that night, and I miss that.

I miss the warmth of your hand,

the chill everywhere else in my body,

I miss your deep voice laughing at me when I do something stupid.

I miss the way you crinkle your nose when you hear something you don't understand,

And I miss the way you circle your lips with your index finger when you're deep in thought.

I wish I didn't miss you.

you're not even mine to miss.

Oh god I wish you were mine.

I will continue to miss you for the rest of my short life.

God, get out of my head.