Someone to Save Him

I want to sit and ask if you’re okay.

I want to know that you’re alive.

I need to know.

Was it me?

Am I to blame for the pain you’re in?

Did me coming back in your life, destroy what was left of you?

Am I wrong?

Am I right?

I’m barely breathing through the tears and the worry.

I’m hardly able to see the road ahead of us.

~

I’m so sorry that you feel the strain

I’m sorry that the mental health that you jokingly thought you were over, subdued you.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have been you when he died next to you.

I can’t imagine what terrors you faced as the gun fire assaulted your senses.

I can’t imagine the fear of knowing that any day could have been your last.

~

I’m not comparing my mental health to yours.

But I need you to know that on some level, I can relate.

I might not have feared those things.

Instead, I went through a fear of losing you to my stupid decisions.

I went through a terror of knowing that I was the wall between everyone else and me.

I let him break me.

I let him break my spirit and turn me into this broken thing.

I had almost given up on knowing what it was like to be me.

~

And somehow…some twist of fate…some interception in time

Led you to reach out to me.

And here we are.

Now I’m worrying over you.

I’m worrying about myself.

There’s so much pain, anger, hatred, so much more

Emotions lingering inside of both of us.

I never knew I could feel this way.

~

All I can do today is hope that you’re okay

All I can do is sit back and be patient

One of the hardest things for me to do

Is to sit back and wait…again.

Wait to see if you’re going to be okay.

Wait to see if I’m going to be okay.

How can I heal through this fog of not knowing if you’re going to live?

I want to see your face

Look into those beautiful eyes

And feel that spark of love again.

But everything is so silent.

I don’t know if I’m to blame.

I can’t tell if I’m the reasons you’re not the same.

I'd give anything just to know that you're okay.