I was sixteen
making love to boys
because
they called me
Skinny
I loved the way
their hands
rubbed over the valleys
between my ribs
and grazed the
mountain peaks
my hipbones became.
I loved how wanted I felt,
how desired I felt,
how loved I thought I was
No one was going to love me
with those extra twenty pounds
and I starved and starved
until forty pounds were gone.
I was on top of the world
thin
perfect
lovely
beautiful
until the day
My hair fell out
in clumps when I would run my fingers through
my fingernails turning every shade of blue
I knew I was sick
but I didn't know how to
Stop
I didn’t want to
Stop being thin
but that meant I was sickly
I didn’t want to stop,
But I knew I had to stop
And those boys,
the ones who would call on me
called less
The boys
those boys
suddenly had other things to do
I found myself
cold, lonely
sad, wallowing in my thinness
alone.
I thought I was beautiful,
graceful, perfect
Shivering in 90 degree weather,
smoking cigarettes to keep me full.
And now
the boys,
those boys,
that boy...
doesn't love me
anymore.
About the Creator
Nina Pierce
just a lonely cat girl, pursuing a masters in counseling
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Comments (1)
Heartbreaking