Six and a half years

6.5

Another one down

New promises, but you’re still not around.

You fed me the lies that I needed to hear.

Cause my self-respect was never greater than my fear.

I didn’t care where the love came from

I just needed to forget what you did, and you wanted to cum

6.5

The fumes from your gaslighting must’ve went to my head.

Because I forgot about all the other girls you took to bed.

You manipulated it into being just one mistake.

Like you didn’t wake up every day for those months with a choice to make.

Instead, you treated me like you being with me was doing me a favor.

And you had to choke it down like I was your least favorite flavor.

No wonder all the pills and all the therapy hasn’t changed my suicidal behavior.

6.5

I’m swinging at a beehive.

And getting too close to the flames

And refusing to take blame.

And pouring salt in my wounds

And swearing my pains caused by the moons.

And standing in the middle of a shooting range.

After all, you swore that you’ve changed.

And that you’re ready to buy me that ring.

And that you’ll put in the work to ease the sting.

And I brought a razor to a gun fight.

And it’s my own fault I got hurt this time, right?

And you swear that you never really loved her.

And taking her to Rhode Island was all a blur.

And I wonder if you took her to where you said you’d propose to me.

And I wonder if that restaurant table could seat three.

And I wonder if you promised a ring to her too.

And I wonder if anything you’ve ever told me is true.

And I wonder how much that poor girl knew about the real you.

And I wonder if she knew about me, if she had a clue.

And I wonder, if I didn’t send that message…. would she have left you?

And I wonder if she didn’t find out and leave you,

Would you have left her out of the blue?

I wonder if you’d drag her deeper and cause her more pain.

I wonder if you’d ruin her and change the chemical structure of her brain.

I wonder if that kind of destruction is only reserved for someone special.

I wonder if you’d only to it to me, like my own personal devil.

6.5

We both know the relationship can’t survive.

But tell me more about how sorry you are.

And tell me how proud you are that you can barely see my scars.

Like you don’t know this is my new self-harm.

It’s just not bleeding, dripping down my arm.

It’s a tally mark in my head.

Of every time I covered my mouth to cry while you slept next to me in bed.

The more care in your love lead to the harder you struck.

You said it best, I guess I’m just your bad luck.

6.5

You haven’t lost her number, have you?

I know, but don’t worry… you won’t have a clue,

I’m ready for the hardest hit, that’s your cue.

Remind me I’m not worthy of love,

Tell me that your only here because push came to shove.

Then wipe my tears and take me to bed.

And tell me how that wasn’t what you said.

And lay me down once I believe you.

I hope you like the view,

Cause that’s how I’ll stay.

6.5

Forever and a day.