Should I Heal Myself

It wasn’t my fault.

Why should I be the one who fixes the damage someone else thrusted on my soul?

Why should I be the one who bears the pain and heals it as well?

Does it make sense?

How am I supposed to healthily cry out in my sorrow while also sewing up my wounds? (because you’re strong enough)

Why should I do this... ...Instead of the person who stabbed me?

Shouldn’t I fight for retribution?

Fight for my right to exist in this other person’s world?

This is my life too and you bruised me.

What will you do about it? (absolutely nothing)

And will I ever be satisfied with the karma I’ve personally come to deliver?

Will it be enough to force you to see the bloody gash across my heart? (guilty!)

Will it be enough to make you feel my pain and taste it too?

Would it be enough to entrap you in hurt and melancholy for as long as possible?

So that we can mirror each other in mutual sadness, disdain and destruction?

Because this is your fault, and we will pay together.

This gash was made due to your actions.

Or was it my inaction...

How could you know what it feels like to be dismantled by you?

But what if I rub your face in this maggot infested flesh.

Will that be enough?

Could you see?

Could you finally smell the rot I’ve left for you to clean?

Dare I believe that you’d understand?

Or will more damage need to be done before I am satisfied? (off with their heads!)

To let go is a far more daunting task than to punish.

“You’ll see and feel the pain that you have caused(!)” is seemingly a far better threat than:

I will take care of this on my own.

And yet I’ve learned that more peace comes from the latter.

It is not my job to force feed someone else’s lessons to them.

It is not my purpose to become a spiritual martyr.

It is not my destiny to bow down to pain and fear.

Nor is it my legacy to produce rot and mold.

What good does any of that do me?

And what service does that provide?

What power does it grow me?

And what love does it attract to and from me?

What seeds I choose to sow are mine and mine alone.

What lessons you do or do not need to learn are none of my concern.

I’ll take your pain and raise you growth and expansion.

Love and strength.

Independence and integrity.

Balance and power.

My universe is much more than a mere papercut.