Shelf Life

Another lifelong lesson,

another book

on the shelf,

for now, selfishly

hoarded.

All meticulously sorted

in a feeble attempt

to fend off sordid, careless

confusion,

the categorical disorder

which might as well be

my calling card,

and that of countless others.

It's hard enough

to read into these

damned things

to a degree which

produces any substantial

growth,

but both

to recollect infallibly

and communicate effectively

on top of it all?

Cue the drop of the ball.

The harvest crop of this Fall

is this sloppily scrawled

seminar.

What ignorance could one hope

to stop or forestall

with such disheveled

teachings?

I reveled

blindly, ecstatic,

upon reaching level

understanding of what Life

was trying to tell me.

It is hard-won

metaphysical battles

against preconception

which give way

to individual progress —

how the soul does

break a sweat.

But the brain

is a wet,

sluggish tool

which can be fooled

into forgetting

by the simplest,

most trivial of

"Earthly," things.

At times,

you'll have to scribble

for hours

after a miniscule nibble

of truth which devours,

in turn,

the entirety of your focus,

just to cut through

the locust

swarm of Twitter wars

about actual wars

enough to truly

learn something.

Day after day,

the pages fill up.

What do you hope to see,

at the end,

when you look

upon the library of your life?

Row upon column

upon row

of priceless volumes,

neatly ordered,

I presume?

A noble goal,

to be sure.

Myself,

I yearn

for teaching

as much as for learning.

To share that impossibly

explosive thrill

of getting something right,

really right,

with as many people as possible.

To give a thousand times more

than I ever gained.

To become such a weird and charismatic

keeper of wisdom

that the static

field of my collection

draws that same weirdness

out of others

for miles around,

and all can feel at home,

so that, years from now,

every last tome

is checked out

and long overdue.

To close my eyes, for the last time,

in a hall of empty shelves.

But I've much to learn, and more to do.