Shame

Tears can be a bitter reminder of foolish acts , your tears are my punishment to my childish behaviour and my tears are the shame and guilt for knowing what I did was cruel.

You, my love, my sweetest man, have everything you could wish for yet you promised things that would happen in the future I just need to be patent and wait, but I in selfish, childish stupidity, perhaps even in fear , cruelly destroyed a sacred place that we could of called our own.

You had told me to wait, to be patent so often, I felt like I was being led like the donkey with a carrot. So often you told me that things would come soon enough and that I just had to wait a little longer , but I thought too much and questioned my own mind , my own sanity to it all and as I slipping into insanity I could not bare to wait any longer and so in a childish fit of rage I broke that gift of deepest love.

I destroyed that music box out of my own selfish hurt , I don't think at the time how deeply it would wound us both, maybe I did not really care. I cut that portrait to pieces purely out of spit, so much childish rage but for what?

I thought it would make you listen, yet I should of just spoken up myself. But instead I showed I'm unstable, I've no right to wear that ring of deepest love and affection, but still it adorns my hand you bound it with magic and however much I may try and remove it, it still refuses to leave my hand.

I have been abandoned by your lords while they try to calm you down , their voices silent to me, I can not feel your energy either. I've tried to reach out to you but all I feel is betrayal and hurt. I betrayed you, I didn't listen and I should of listened, I should of even spoken up from deep within, if I had just waited I wouldn't now be crying , weeping the guilt and shame from within my heart.

I broke my own heart, by breaking your trust . I know you will not forgive me straight away, if at all ever , I just want you to know I care, that I do truly love you. That my how childish stupidity is because I'm scared to be hurt again.