Schizophrenia Unraveled

A moment of peace as I drink my second cup of coffee today,

Breathing slowly as I take in the morning sounds around me,

Creating a schedule for myself I already know will overwhelm me,

Dotting on my son as he stims around the room around me,

Everett stims faster and faster as the psychosis of the day begins,

For a moment I stop to watch him,

Growing admiration for all that he endures at such a young age,

He self-soothes and calms as the voices get louder,

I wonder who he will grow up to be in a world of stigmas and misunderstanding,

Just hoping the world, he grows into is kinder than my own,

Kisses and hugs are rare but full of promise as he learns to be,

Love for a child that has inherited the monsters in my own mind,

My sweet young boy who has more tools than I ever did,

Never would I allow him to inherit my trauma like he inherited my diagnosis,

Only I can prepare him now and put aside myself for him,

Preparing him for a world that labels him dangerous,

Quietly reassuring him as he wakes from his nightmares,

Remembering the first and every hospital stay since,

Showing him the world that he can have,

Talking him through every moment he huddles down into a world he should have never had to live in,

Understanding the world may never show him the kindness he receives in these four walls,

Victory has different definitions on the hardest days,

When there are holes in the doors, but he did not harm a person,

X-rays of a brain that will never look like his classmates sit in a folder in my office,

Zen music plays in the background of a child who lives in three places, his home, the hospital rooms and the nightmares of his mind.